CV Boys Will Be Boys

Original TwoP air date 9.14.06

I know everybody was expecting to read today but... hey where's Tom?

He, uh, was delayed. He'll be here soon.

Just as well. The fact is Erica and I don't have the script ready yet.

What!?!? What the hell have you two been doing? You're almost a week late!

Erica and I have been working non-stop.

[Sing songy] That's not what I heard. [ED elbows KK] Ow!

[Annoyed look at ED] We've been working practically non-stop. But don't worry. It's almost ready.

Can we at least get a draft copy?

No.

A synopsis?

You already have a synopsis.

Two sentences? That doesn't tell us crap! [TW enters through a door behind AM. He carries a large picture (6' x 4') covered in brown paper. He motions to the rest of the cast to be quiet.]

I'm sorry, Michael. That will have to do for now.

You aren't any closer to being done than you were a week ago, are you?

Can you at least tell us about Lex and Chloe's intimate relationship?

Who told you...? [KK sinks down in her chair] Despite what you may have heard Chloe and Lex are not involved in an intimate relationship. They never have and as far as I'm concerned they never will.

Look, don't do the Al and Miles routine where you lie right to our faces. I just want to know if it's acknowledged that Chloe and Lex did the nasty that summer he was hiding her from Lionel... [TW has mounted the frame on the wall and prepares to pull the paper off.] ... or if they have a huge fight and end up tearing each other's clothes off right on screen. [MR casually pulls out his cell phone.]

[Trying to be patient] Michael...

It's both, isn't it?

Chloe and Lex aren't like that. And they never will be, Michael.

Really? I happen to know different. [MR flips open his phone and presses a button. Salt-n-Pepa's 'Push It' begins to play.] [TW rips off the paper to reveal a Warhol-esque print. It's a shot of AM wearing her outfit from the promo shoot, fishnets and all, up on stage with a Lex look alike wearing only a thong. The Lex look alike is on his knees leaning back and AM has one knee raised with her foot planted firmly on his chest. Her skirt is caught up on her knee revealing most of her leg. The same shot is repeated six times in various color combinations.]

Wow.

Allison?

Oh. My. God.

[Low appreciative whistle]

[Slowly turns around to see the picture. She puts her hand to her mouth in shock.]

Salt-n-Pepa: Ah, Push it!

Now tell me again Chloe and Lex don't have an intimate relationship because there it is in black and white. And red and green. And purple and yellow. And... [ED slaps MR's arm]

Erica...

Salt-n-Pepa: Ah, Push it!

Had nothing to do with this... [Looking at ED] but you might want to be more careful about where you leave your camera in the future.

The next time the two of you go off to do some research you're taking me along, dammit!

Salt-n-Pepa: Oh, baby, baby!

If I find out that any of you have given my boyfriend wind of this...

Ha! Who do you think we commissioned to do it in the first place?*

Salt-n-Pepa: Baby, baby!

[Spins around towards MR] Why you!

Hey, don't worry Allison. In fact we're going to let him keep it. He wants to mount it over the fire place.

[Spins around towards TW] Michael I can believe, but you Tom! Why you little...!

Salt-n-Pepa: Oh, baby, baby!

[Storming out of the room] Men! And if he thinks for one second I'm going to let him hang that piece of trash up over... [her voice fades out]

Salt-n-Pepa: Baby, baby!

Was it just me or did anyone else catch a flash of fishnets under Allison's pant leg as she left?

Salt-n-Pepa: Get up on this!

No, I noticed it too. I think she's warmed up to them.

Salt-n-Pepa: Get up on this!

Michael, would you turn that blasted music off!

Oh, sorry. [MR cuts off the music]

Yeah. About that. Michael, when I picked this up her boyfriend asked me to thank you for the whole fishnet thing.

Heh. My pleasure.

I can't believe you guys! [Pause. Contemplating the picture] So how much does he charge for something like that? [KK & AoT get up to inspect the picture more closely]

[Gleefully turns his attention to his laptop] I'm not sure but he kicks in a digital scan for use as a desktop background for free.

Is that a mole?... [Smiling] So she actually does have one there!

What? [blushing] Actually no. We had those photo shopped in. They're all a little different.

[leans over MR's laptop to take a look] Nice.

We proofed a couple more poses. That one was the best but these aren't bad either. [Some clicking]

Is this one shaped like a heart?

Yeah, [pointing] and if you look carefully you can just make out the initials "LL" in the negative space. [pointing again] This one here says "Lex".

[leans over to take a look at MR's laptop] Not bad. Can you email me his number?

I'll trade you his number for a draft of your script.

Forget it. I can get his number from Allison.

[Squinting] CK sucks?

What? [looks to where KK is pointing]

At least tell me if they boink.

Sorry. No details until it's ready. [pointing at the screen] I really like those colors.

Yes. He did a fine job, a fine job indeed.

It doesn't hurt that Allison can sport her some fishnets. And she knows it too. Look at her expression!

Michael, if you were as buff as "Sexy Lexy" here maybe Allison could get into a Lex and Chloe pairing.

Shut up, John.

[Still looking at where KK was pointing] MICHAEL!

Is that a...

Tom, you found the...

Cowbell?

Cowbell.

Cowbell? [TW & KK lean in to look where AoT is pointing]

[Clears her throat]

I still don't see it.

No it's right there!

Turn you're head a little.

[Clears her throat a little louder] [AoT, KK, & TW turn around to find AM standing behind them, arms folded]

I'm glad you find my ass so fucking interesting! [she walks over to the table, picks up her purse which she had left, and heads for the door.] Erica, come on. We've got some work to do. [As she exits] PERVERTS! [ED follows AM out]

Michael, I'm starting to think maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Pffft! What's she going to do?

She's working on a script! What won't she do?

Relax. Their script has been done for over a week.

What?!?

Yeah. They're just pretending it's not done because they've been waiting for the suits to approve some cockamamie bullshit twist Allison came up with.

Do you know what the twist is?

[bitter] No! I thought it was Chloe and Lex being lovers but I'm starting to think maybe it's something else.

What do you think it could be?

If it's not Chloe and Lex getting it on frankly I don't give a rat's ass.

If they feel like they need approval from the suits it must be big.

[dismissive] Yeah, whatever. It has to do with Chloe. Who cares?

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