Playing Dirty

[Cue up AC/DC's Dirty Deeds]

[AM & MR in AG & MM's office arguing]
AC/DC: If you're havin' trouble with the high school head / He's givin' you the blues
[AG points emphatically at a picture of Lana on the wall]
AC/DC: You wanna graduate but not in his bed
[AM clenches her teeth. MR spits on the floor]
AC/DC: Here's what you gotta do
[AM & MR storm out. AG looks slightly nervous. MM pats him on the back reassuringly]
AC/DC: Pick up the phone, I'm always home
[AM & MR enter AM's trailer. She opens her closet. MR does a double take when he notices it's full of high tech electronic equipment]
AC/DC: Call me any time
[AM pulls out a tiny spy camera and smiles at MR]
AC/DC: Just ring 36 24 36 hey
[MR reaches into the closet and grabs a hold of a dart gun. AM slaps his hand]
AC/DC: I lead a life of crime

AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
[TW & ED sit together in front of a computer monitor. ED gets up and opens the door to her trailer.]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[A plate of brownies has been left by the door. ED picks it up]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[TW turns to ask ED a question and sees her eating a brownie. She offers him one. He gulps.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[JG knocks on AoT's trailer door, only to find it partially open.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[He enters and finds AoT collapsed on the couch, and plate of brownies spilled on the floor beside her. JG's face tightens.]

AC/DC: You got problems in your life of love.
[AM & MR crouch behind a bush]
AC/DC: You got a broken heart
[TW walks up to his trailer, keys in hand]
AC/DC: He's double dealin' with your best friend
[When his key doesn't work he pulls and pushes frantically on the door in vain]
AC/DC: That's when the teardrops start fella
[TW pulls the door knob right off. Cut to show AM & MR laughing]
AC/DC: Pick up the phone, I'm here alone
[TW peers in the window and sees his laptop on fire. He can't believe it.]
AC/DC: Or make a social call
[TW grabs a nearby chair and starts smashing it into the door.]
AC/DC: Come right in, forget 'bout him
[Laughing hysterically AM and MR sneak away.]
AC/DC: We'll have ourselves a ball hey
[ED walks up looking at TW like he's crazy. He points at the window. She peers in and looks at the laptop with disappointment]

AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[AG & MM walking down a hallway]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[Once they pass by AM and MR duck out of a door way and run the other way.]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[AM and MR exit the building and lean up against the building out of breath. Eventually the catch each other's eye and crack up.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[AG and MM open the door to their office. There's smoke coming out of it.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[There's a bag on fire. MM stomps it out.]
AC/DC: Yeahhh
[MM lifts up his shoe. AG looks at it with disgust and holds his nose.]

AC/DC: If you got a lady and you want her gone
[ED opens her mail. She reads she's being called back for a second casting call for a remake of "Father know's best"]
AC/DC: But you ain't got the guts
[AoT opens her mail and reads that Elton John is giving a private concert and she's invited.]
AC/DC: She keeps naggin' at you night and day
[TW knocking on ED's trailer door. He looks frustrated. In the background is a calendar. Days are marked out with X's the last X is right before a day labled "Final draft due to MM & AG"]
AC/DC: Enough to drive you nuts
[JG lets himself into AoT's trailer. He he calls out her name.]
AC/DC: Pick up the phone, leave her alone
[ED gets out of her car. She's at what looks like a deserted sound stage. She looks suspicious but verifies the address.]
AC/DC: It's time you made a stand
[AoT arrives on the other side of the same sound stage. She sees a note pasted on the door. "Elton Fans Welcome". She smiles.]
AC/DC: For a fee, I'm happy to be
[TW & MR animatedly talking. The both stop suddenly and both look angrily over at MR's trailer.]
AC/DC: Your back door man hey
[ED and AoT wander through the empty sound stage and are surprised when they finally bump into each other.]

AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[MR throws a bar over one entrance of the sound stage]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[AM chains up the other one.]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[ED and AoT bang on the door and scream.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap) yeah
[MR hops into the passenger seat of a Yaris and AM speeds away.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[ED pulls out her phone and dials. AoT does the same.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[JG & TW's phones both ring at the same time. They answer.]
AC/DC: (Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap)
[ED and AoT frantically talk on the phone. ED has her letter with the address out.]

AC/DC: Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
[AM & MR speed past the "Welcome to Smallville" sign.]
AC/DC: (Done dirt cheap)
[JG & TW look at each other solemnly. TW nods grimly and walks off.]
AC/DC: Neck ties, contracts, high voltage
[TW hops into Clark's pick-up and peels out of the parking lot.]
AC/DC: (Done dirt cheap)
[The Yaris and the pick-up approach each other on a two lane road. As they pass AM & MR gleefully give TW the bird. TW just looks determined and irritated.]

AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[AM and MR come to a screeching halt in front of MR's trailer]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
[TW arrives at the abandoned sound stage and pulls the bar off. ED and AoT spill out and hug him.]

AC/DC: Dirty deeds,
[AM pulls out her blackberry and shows MR a security video feed of TW letting ED and AoT out of the building]

AC/DC: Done dirt cheap
[MR shows AM a utility knife]
AC/DC: Dirty deeds, dirty deeds, dirty deeds,
[TW leads AoT and ED to the pickup. He notices the tires are flat.]
AC/DC: Done dirt cheap, ahhhhh
[He pulls out his phone and calls up JG.]

The music ends. MR unlocks his trailer. AM & MR high five each other, "Yes!" They both enter and stop dead. Their faces fall. Pull back to show the faucet running in MR's sink. The water covers the floor. AM's laptop sits in the full sink. They look at each other in shock.
AM: Oh Shit!

[Cut to JG smiling to himself as he casually walks of. He chuckles.]
JG: Nobody messes with the magnificent bastard.

[JG reaches into his pocket and pulls out something that looks like a car lock remote.]
JG: Nobody
[He presses the button. MR's trailer explodes in a huge fireball.]
(OK just kidding about this last part.)