6.11 Stalemate

By &

Original TwoP air date 8.27.06 Lex and Clark are forced to work together when domestic terrorists’ occupation of a LuthorCorp research facility puts Lois’ life in danger. Chloe stumbles on a troubling discovery regarding her mother.

OK. Open with a demonstration outside LuthorCorp. As we'll recall from last episode they call themselves the "Angels of the Environment".

Cut to Lex's office. He's called Lionel in.

Lionel wonders if Lex caught him coming in five minutes late and plans to fire him.

Lex answers that unfortunately Lionel has been a model employee since being put on probation. He adds that he's not worried. Everyone slips eventually.

Ominously, "Yes, son, eventually everyone does. Is that all you had to say?"

"No I wanted to gloat over the fact I'm finally going to be able to fire your favorite employee."

Lionel scoffs.

Lex turns on a television. The footage shows Lois protesting outside the building.

"When was this taken?"

Lex says it's a live feed. He's going to take care of Lois' termination personally. He's sure Lionel won't be far behind.

Back to the demonstration. Show Lois protesting and zoom out to reveal that Chloe is next to her. Lex walks up to Lois but then sees Lana beside her. All three are dressed in bulky robes you'd see a monk wearing but they're white.

Chloe, Lana, and Lois are all protesting against LuthorCorp? This isn't a mind whammie episode is it?

No.

Good, because the outline doesn't leave much leeway for a mind-wammie.

Oh, it's better than a mind wammie, trust me.

What could be better than a mind whammie?

Exploding naked women robots!

You have got to be kidding. Tom, you didn't agree to that did you?

[Sheepish] It's not as bad as it sounds.

They aren't naked underneath those robes are they?!

Calm down will you?

[whispering to MR] I'm starting to wonder if the fishnets were too much.

[Quick glance at AM and whispering back] We're fine.

The what?

Nothing.

I thought I heard the word "fishnets"

They're going go fishing?

[Eyeing MR] I doubt it's the kind of fishnets your thinking of Erica. I'd wager they're fishing for ratings.

Oh. Cool. I look good in fishnets.

I'm sure you do. But you're not going to be wearing them.

Damn.

And Chloe?

Can we just get on with the story?

I must say I'm intrigued so far. Please continue.

[to JG] But will they pull it off or will it be like watching a train wreck in slow motion?

Either way I'm sure it will be immensely entertaining.

Lex asks Lana what she's doing there but she doesn't answer so he grabs her by the arm to get her attention. The police watching the scene get a little antsy. "Lana, what are you doing here?!? Let's go." He tries to pull her away.

"Let go of me."

Again he tells her to come with him.

Defiantly Lana says, "No, I'm not!"

Cut to Lionel's office. Lois pokes her head in. "Boss, have you seen Lex? The Inquisitor wants a quote about these 'Angels of the environment' wackos"

Lionel is curt. "What are you still doing up here?"

Lois answers "I've been fending off the press for the past hour. Unfortunately these kooks planted outside have a permit through the rest of the week. The good news is the longer they whine the more kooky they look. Can you believe they want Smallville declared a natural disaster area? They can't stop going on about how they think LuthorCorp has made millions removing meteor rock from the area for the government only to turn right around and stock pile it in their own back yard for future experimentation. Like we'd do that when the National Center for Infectious Diseases has mandated it be destroyed. The press is already getting disinterested with the crazy conspiracy theories. If we could just get Lex to give them a quote I think we'll be fine."

Surprised, "You haven't been down at the demonstration?"

As if Lionel is as kooky as the demonstrators, "Why would I do that?"

"Lex!" Lionel jumps out of his chair and runs out of the office.

Lois calls after him, "Would it be too much to ask what the hell is going on?"

Cut back to the protest. Lana says again to Lex "I said let go of me!"

Lex tells her he's not going to let her do this.

She responds that he doesn't tell her what to do. She grabs his hand and squeezes. We hear bones cracking before she's able to force him to his knees. Lex stares at her with a combination of amazement and agony.

Now there's a scene I can get into.

Good I thought it might make up for the kiss later on.

[making a face] I've got to kiss you again?

Yeah. Tongue and everything. You have to act like you enjoy it too.

I definitely don't get paid enough for this job.

"The Earth cries out in tears of blood because of you, Lex Luthor." Zoom in on Lana crushing Lex's hand. Show the Kryptonite ring cutting into his skin and then the stone disentiragting. Microscopic particles mingle with his blood cells.

Lois falls in step behind Lana, "Repent before it is too late."

The police draw their guns. They order Lana to let go of Lex.

Chloe addresses the police, "The Angels of the Environment have spoken. Ignore our warning at your peril."

Aren't you afraid this is going to piss off Green Peace or Operation Rescue.

Or both?

Hmm.. That would be something if we could piss them both off at once, wouldn't it.

This isn't South Park.

I know. Too bad, isn't it? Frankly I'm not worried. The more you piss people off the more other people want to watch.

You piss off enough people and no one will watch.

That's what I'm counting on.

I'm counting on the 17-34 male demographic. The rest can go to hell for all I care.

That would explain fishnets.

Lana grabs Lex by the crook of the arm and sends him hurtling through the air towards the police. They jump out of the way and Lex lands on a nearby police cruiser.

The police move in on Lana. The rest of the protesters back off leaving Lana, Lois and Chloe surrounded by police. Apparently these protesters are just as surprised by the altercation as the police. The police order the women to put their hands above their heads. Comply or prepare to be subdued.

Chloe, "It is LuthorCorp which must comply with the Angels of the Environment."

Lois, "Or they will be the ones who will be subdued."

The police move in on all three of them.

They fling the police away like rag dolls.

And considering the state of our special effects budget that's just what they might be.

Simultaneuosly the three of them drop their robes to reveal angel's wings.

They aren't naked are they?

[Smiling] Not yet. White halter-top and short skirts.

How short?

Supergirl short.

Michael, you suck. And Tom? After this meeting I'm going to come to your trailer and beat the crap out of you.

[Whispering to TW] You better lie low. I've seen her take out Kristen...

What's the first rule of Fight Club, Michael?

Um. Sorry. Not another word.

[Looking a little worried] As Lex stares in disbelief Angel-Lana says, "Heed our words mortal!"

Cut to Lionel exiting the LuthorCorp tower. Three figures rise into the air. Running to Lex, "Son! Are you hurt?"

Holding his crumpled hand, "I'll live."

Lionel tells Lex the real Lois was meeting with the press the whole time.

"I gathered it wasn't her."

"Professor Fine?"

"No. He's a behind the scenes operator."

"You don't think it's..."

"Yes, I do."

"I'll warn Lois."

"I'll find Lana."

Surprised. "Lana?"

"There were three of them, Dad, but Lana has to be the one they're really after." End teaser

So why exactly is Lana the one they are after?

Because this is a show is called "Smallville" created by Al Gough and Miles Millar.

We're not Al and Miles. We don't have to make it all about Lana.

Patience. You'll see. It doesn't turn out to be all about Lana.

In fact she's surprisingly absent. Besides, if it were all about Lana we'd be stuck with just one exploding naked woman robot.

Well maybe this episode needs more Lana after all.

Don't you wish. We're going to share the wealth.

Cue card: "24 hours earlier."

Lana, Lois, and Chloe sit in a movie theater. All three are dabbing their eyes with tissues. Between sobs Lana says to Lois "I can't believe Lex refuses to go to these movies."

Lois replies "A little catharsis would be so good for him."

Chloe, "Yeah."

I can't believe you preempted my chick flick idea!

Believe it.

It doesn't mean we can't drag Lex to one later in the season.

You're right. Now there's precedent that Lana wants him to come.

And what Lana wants Lana gets.

Cut to a balcony. Three men with night vision goggles are watching the three girls.

Al, Miles, and who?

Ha. Ha. They're the Villains of the week.

I know that. Al, Miles and who?

It's not worth it, Tom.

The largest one, "So that's Lex's girlfriend?"

The leader replies, "Yes."

The third asks, "You sure we can get to him through her? She's not just another one night stand he'll willingly sacrifice."

"I'm sure."

"Then let's get to it."

Cut to the women exiting.

Chloe looking at her watch, "Oh, my. I'm going to miss my plane!"

Lois, "It's a private jet. They'll wait for you."

"I guess you're right. I'd better get going anyway though. I don't want to keep Oliver waiting."

She's so thoughtful.

Lois and then Lana hug Chloe. Lana, "Have fun in Gotham."

Gotham? Oliver lives in Star City.

We know that. We're not stupid you know.

The jury is still out on the stupid thing but why is she meeting Oliver in Gotham?

Because that's where Batman lives.

We going to have Batman?

Patience, please. "If you meet any other cute billionaires send them my way." quips Lois.

"From what I hear I would be able to turn around without bumping into one at this fund raiser."

[Squeal] Oh, my God! Chloe is going to set Lois up with Batman!

Let's not jump to conclusions Erica. You could set yourself up for severe disappointment.

Like how Jimmy turned out to be a fourteen year old kid?

Exactly.

[Crosses her fingers and whispers to herself] Please don't hook Lois up with Robin. Please don't hook Lois up with Robin.

Lois gestures, "No fourteen year olds, and a full head of hair. I don't want a balding..." she trails off when she notices Lana is glaring. "I meant I didn't want a middle aged guy with a paunch. I didn't mean..."

Lana stops her, "It's OK. It's just that Lex is more sensitive about his hair than he lets on."

Lois grins like a Cheshire cat.

Michael, you are just begging for Lois to make bald cracks about Lex from now on.

She already does so It's not like anything is going to change.

What we're going for is for Lana to paint Lex as more human and less ruthless.

Lois will have to decide whether to listen to Chloe and Clark who she knows aren't telling her the whole truth.

Or Lana who's basically blackmailing her and her "perhaps not so evil after all" boyfriend.

But Lana is lying like a rug to Lois. She should go with what her gut tells her.

Get the hell out of town? That's what my gut would be telling me.

Lana playfully but forcefully admonishes Lois, "Don't you dare use that against him!"

Lois pretends to zip her lip and throw away the key.

Chloe smiles, "Bye!"

Lois with her lips still pursed together waves. Lana waves and says "bye". Chloe walks off.

"You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, you know."

"I know. Let me make it up to you. I'll fix us some of my world famous daiquiris at my apartment."

Lana just looks at her.

"Right, you don't want to get kicked out of MetU like I did. Non-alcoholic daiquiris, of course."

"Sure." They start walking. Uncomfortable segue, "So have you had a chance to talk with Lionel?"

"Yeah. Of course he hasn't told me anything. The good news, I guess, is that I can tell Lex is getting to him. He's definitely worried about something."

"Are you sure he's worried about Lex?"

"What else could it be?"

"I don't know."

Fall back to show one of the figures shadowing Lois and Lana.

What else could Lionel be worried about?

Erectile dysfunction?

Wouldn't Martha like to know.

[Playfully hitting JG on the shoulder] John!

Well she would.

[Blushing] I know.

Establishing shot of a LuthorCorp research building. Night. Two people approach the gate. One swipes an ID and they both enter.

"Why don't we just blow this joint to smithereens?"

"We need to show the world what horrors LuthorCorp is capable of." He swipes a second security reader. They enter a lab. Inside are what look like a dozen high tech shower stalls.

The man with the ID turns on a bunch of machines. There is an insulated hose coming out of one labeled "Danger: Extremely hot. Contents under pressure."

He presses a green button and the hose emits a stream of steaming grey green-liquid into a mold in one of the stalls. A buzzer sounds five times and the mold pops open to reveal a generic humanoid figure. Start up Styx "Mr. Roboto"

Think 'Oscar' from the academy awards.

But life-size.

That's boring.

I wanted them to be shaped like giant green dildos. But Tom...

Stop.

Was that in bad taste?

More like it was just a stupid idea.

The second man begins feeding photos of the three girls into a scanner while the first uses a joystick to move the hose over another stall. The computer display begins creating 3d renderings of each of the women. Once three mannequins have been manufactured the man who feed the pictures into the machine presses a few more buttons. The three mannequins morph into the three girls.

This time they are naked! AM &

[roll eyes]

So when do they get to explode?

We'll get to that. "Now for the crowning touch." The man with the ID card begins typing and accesses file called 'angel beta'. He keys in some pass codes and we see the girls grow angel like wings.

I wanted dragon wings. And a tail.

"Dragons of the Environment" didn't really have much of a ring to it.

Humph!

The leader sticks an audio tape into a slot. Show the girls begin parroting the dialogue spoken watching the movie.

The screen prompts for a mission. Selections include Locate & Report, Locate & Capture (alive/ dead or alive), Locate & Destroy, Locate & Replace (capture/ destroy) He chooses Locate & Capture and then chooses alive. "Now the fun begins."

Our flunky interjects, "I still don't understand why we just don't capture Lex and his father."

"No one cares about them. To really pique the public's interest you need a damsel in distress. And then when it's revealed that the blame for their deaths lay squarely on Lex Luthor's shoulders the experimentation with meteor rocks will come to an end once and for all." His phone rings, "Yes."

Outside of Lois' apartment the figure who followed Lois and Lana is on the phone. "I have an address."

Cue card: "Present day." Show the three angels sifting through Lois' apartment. Angel-Chloe goes through Lois' email. Angel-Lois goes through the snail mail. She finds a pay notice from LuthorCorp. Angel-Lana dials the numbers programmed into Lois' phone. Simultaneously they all declare. "Target acquired".

Is the leader's name Charlie?

No. Shut up, you're just trying to make fun. Cue Glenn Fry's "The heat is on"

Naming him Charlie would be cute.

That's why it's not Charlie.

So what is his name?

We didn't give him a name.

Well lets name him Charlie.

No. His name is Bob, OK? Bob.

Bob? That's boring.

Tough.

Gotham City. Presidential suite in a fancy hotel. There's a knock and Oliver answers the door. Chloe greets him warmly but Oliver's mood is subdued.

Cue up George Michael's "Father Figure".

For the last time Oliver is in his twenties! Damn you Michael. Damn you straight to hell!

I still haven't given up on Sting. Oliver holds a thick folder. He's been seriously temped not to give it to Chloe until after the ball. He's pretty sure what he's found will upset her but he knows her well enough that holding out on her would upset her even more.

Chloe asks if it's about her mom.

Oliver nods handing over the folder. He explains that about ten years ago her mom was working on cutting edge brain cancer research rumor was they were months away from a cure. She reported directly to Lionel.

Unfortunately Oliver has been unable to uncover any specifics about the research. The entire project was shut down shortly after her mother was...

"...Committed." Chloe wonders aloud why she wasn't able to find this information before.

Oliver suspects that someone must be responsible for letting the information out now. It could be Lionel himself.

"He's leaving me a trail of bread crumbs?"

"Why not try going directly to the source?"

"I don't trust Lionel. Besides I hope to find a few bread crumbs he didn't intend to drop. Maybe Lois can help me get some documentation."

Oliver hopes Chloe still plans to attend the ball with him but he understands if she's no longer in the mood.

"No. I definitely want to go."

"Then I hope I haven't been too forward by preselecting a costume. I will be going as Robin Hood." he reaches into the closet and pulls out an ornate ballroom gown. "So I thought it might be appropriate for you to go as Maid Marion."

Chloe looks at the dress and scrunches up her nose.

"You don't like it."

"You think we could find something in the way of a Merry.... Woman?"

"I should have known you'd rather be part of the action. We don't have a lot of time but I'm sure we can find something."

Why do I get an ominous feeling about this?

All I can say is I hope you enjoyed shopping for your dress last week.

I had a wedding to go to. I didn't blow you off by choice.

Personally I'm glad you did. It's the best thing that happened to this episode!

LuthorCorp building. Angel-Lois bursts through the front door and demands to know where Lois Lane's office is.

The guy at the font desk says he can't give out that information. She grabs him by the shirt and throws him up against the Atlas statue.

We should try to get as many people thrown up against that statue as possible the rest of the season.

Why?

I don't know. It could be a little inside joke. Kind of like how Clark used to always throw open the doors of Lex's study. The freak always throws somebody up against the statue.

Real cute.

Then she grabs the directory from behind the desk and looks up Lois. A terrified middle aged man asks if she needs to use the elevator.

Flying is faster." She takes flight, crashing through the windows of the lobby.

How about "flying is the safest way to travel."

What?

That's what Superman always says.

This isn't Superman.

It's a Superman show.

She isn't Superman. She's a robot.

Never mind.

Lex speeding in his car on the phone with Lana. "Where ever you are get out of there. Go to some place you never go."

Doesn't he have a broken hand?

He has a headset on.

Doesn't he drive stick?

He broke his left hand.

He puts the kryptonite ring on his wedding finger?

I don't know what finger he puts the ring on.

It should be his right hand. Because later in the season he'll be punching Clark with the ring on his finger.

Then how the hell is he going to drive stick?

He could take a motor cycle.

Like you can drive a motor cycle with a broken hand.

You can't?

I wouldn't want to do it. At least not if I was speeding down a busy street.

You drive a motor cycle?

A Hog.

We should go two wheeling some day.

We'll have Lex shift gears with his wrist. How about that?

OK, whatever.

Look, we've got three robots with wings flying around I don't think viewers are going to focus in on how Lex drove with a broken hand.

You might be surprised.

I could shift with my wrist if my hand were broken.

Can we test that theory? I have a hammer in my trailer.

Lana is in her dorm room, "What's going on Lex?"

"I don't have time to explain now. I'll meet you in the Library. Do not take your cell phone with you, don't take anything."

Go somewhere you never go and he immediately thinks of the Library? Come on. Lana is lame but give me a break.

How about KFC?

What?

I'm sure Lana never goes to KFC.

That's crazy. Why wouldn't she go to KFC?

She's pissed the Colonel won't tell her the secret recipe.

That is so lame.

But now it's so in the script! John you're a magnificent genius. Lex says, "I'll meet you at "KFC"

Wait Michael. KFC? Come on.

It's funny! Plus I bet Lex loves fried chicken.

It is funny. It's really cute.

Cute? [Frowns] Now I'm having second thoughts. I'll leave the final decision to you, Tom.

I'll think about it. Lana asks, "But why?"

"Just do it and do it now! You life could depend on it! I'll explain when I get there."

"OK." Lana heads for her door.

Cut to generic area of the MetU campus. Angel-Chloe and Angel-Lana fly in and land in front of a dorm.

Lana's dorm.

Well, duh.

Shut up.

You shut up.

No, you shut up!

Now children... TW &

Sorry.

I can't believe Al & Miles entrusted an entire episode to the two of you!

Allison, it's Al & Miles what do you expect?

You're right! You're right! What was I thinking?

Lois' office. She's stuffing various items in her bag. Lionel shouts "We don't have time for this."

The angel bursts in through the window. Lois is stunned to see a winged version of herself staring at her. "What the...?"

"Lois Lane, you are coming with me."

"The hell I am!" She throws her bag at the angel and runs. The angel super speeds and blocks the exit.

Lionel says "Let her go!"

Angel-Lois replies, "When LuthorCorp has complied with the Angels' demands she will be released."

"What are your demands?"

Lois-Angel grabs Lois by the waist and flies off without answering. Lois beats on Angel-Lois in vain as she is carried away.

Angel-Lana and Angel-Chloe walk down a dorm hall. Angel-Lana knocks down the door to the girls' dorm room. Seeing no one in there they go back out into the hallway. There's a woman with long straight black hair running away down the hall.

It's supposed to look like Lana.

But it's not. Cut to Angel-Lana super speeding right in from of the girl who's been running. She grabs the girl's wrist. Cut to the Angel's POV. "Where is Lana Lang?!"

"I... I don't know."

The Angel throws her against the wall.

There's lots of throwing people in the episode.

Yes. Isn't it great?

Um, yes?

And the best part? Lex gets to throw someone too! Bwahahahah!

Michael, you're starting to scare me.

Starting? I've been scared since the fishnet comment.

Back to the girls' room. Angel-Chloe has Lana's cell phone and looks up Chloe's number. She enters some data into Chloe's computer and then dials.

Cut to a clothing shop. Stray Cat's "Sexy and 17" plays in the background. Chloe is frustrated. She looks at her reflection as she randomly tugs at a black body suit she's trying on, "I don't know."

No you didn't. And Chloe is not 17.

Yes we did. And I don't care. Besides, it's either that or ZZ Top's "Legs."

I'd go with "Legs."

Oliver, "It looks great."

The sales lady pipes up, "I'm sorry we're out of green. Closer to Halloween maybe but green isn't considered one of the 'sexier' colors."

Oliver, "Black is certainly better than red or white."

"Or heaven forbid pink."

"You mean to tell me you think a Merry Woman wouldn't wear pink?"

Chloe gives a look of irritation. To the saleswoman, "What about brown?"

The sales lady givers her an 'are you serious?' look. Oliver interjects, "We still have the Maid Marion costume."

Why the hell won't Chloe wear the Maid Marion costume?

You already forgot whole stuff about being part of the action?

Lana would wear the Maid Marion costume.

Lana has sense. [Cast stares at her]

Sometimes.

Chloe sighs, "I suppose black will have to do. But I feel more like the Happy Hooker than a Merry Woman."

Oh. No. You. Didn't.

Oh. Yes. We. Did.

The sales lady holds up a pair of black tights and a pair of fishnets in each hand. Chloe frowns. Her phone rings so she turns to away to answer. The phone indicates Lana is calling. Oliver points to the fishnets and winks at the sales lady while handing her his credit card. She starts boxing them up.

OH. NO. YOU. DIDN'T!

Ha. We did.

You'll look good in fishnets, Allison.

Lois should wear fishnets too. I'm jealous.

Hey, blame Tom. I wanted Lois to be the one at the ball anyway. AM &

Tom!

Allison, calm down. How would we get Lois to the ball anyway?

I don't care. I wouldn't be the one having to do a nude scene.

It's not like it matters. You're all doing nude scenes.

All I can say is the two of you had better start frequenting the gym and the tanning salon between now and the next episode I write.

Dammit, Tom. Now you've done it.

Sorry, Michael, I'm just trying to work damage control here.

Well stop, please. You're doing more damage than control. Chloe answers, "Hello? Lana? Are you there?"

Cut back to Angel-Chloe. On the computer screen is a map. It's tracking the connections made to complete the call. It ends with a cell tower in the Gotham City retail district. Angel-Chloe closes the phone.

Back to the lab. Angel-Lois brings Lois in. The leader, Bob, is mildly impressed. "The first one is here. Too bad it's not the one we want."

Lois, "What do you mean the first one?"

"Just a few hostages to get LuthorCorp's attention."

"Well you have their attention. I'm the LuthorCorp spokes person."

"Oh really? Gunter, choose one of the news casters and invite them in. It seems Ms..."

"Lane"

"Ms. Lane has a public announcement to make. And then call back the other two angels. It turns out Ms. Lane is the only one we will need after all."

"Yes, sir." Gunter goes exits.

Gunter?

It's about time somebody had a lackey named Gunter on this show.

I can't believe you named a character 'Gunter'

I can't believe I'm going to have to wear fishnets!

Costume ball. Show a banner reading "Gotham Children's charity Ball." Oliver is introducing Chloe to a man wearing a business suit instead of a costume. "Sorry we're late, Bruce. We had a last minute costume issue. Chloe, this is Bruce Wayne, the man responsible for this grand event. Bruce, this is Chloe Sullivan."

You got clearance to have Batman on the show?

Well, no.

What the hell are you thinking? You know the suits will squash it like a bug.

We're not actually going to show Batman.

You're going to have Bruce Wayne but not Batman?

Yes.

Then the fanboys are going to squash you like a bug.

The fangirls too.

We'll take our chances. "No costume?" Chloe observes.

"Can't you tell? I'm a billionaire playboy. All we need to do is stick a cotton tail on you and we'd be a perfect match."

Chloe turns red. "I'm one of Robin Hood's merry men, er, persons."

Bruce observes that she sure seems to make Robin Hood merry.

I can not believe you guys. Chloe needs to stomp on his foot.

Should we let her stomp his foot?

I don't know. He is Batman. He he'd probably punch her lights out so I'm all for it.

She's not going to stomp his foot. To Oliver, "I can't believe you didn't choose the tights."

Well at least Chloe and I are on the same wavelength there.

Oliver, "I think they look good." Turning the subject back to Bruce, "Actually a playboy is a pretty good costume for you Bruce. I can barely recognize you." To Chloe, "Underneath that facade Bruce is really quite the brooding and humorless socio-path."

Chloe, "In that case perhaps you should have come as a jester or a clown."

Bruce, "That is not funny, Ms. Sullivan."

Oliver, to Chloe, "Like I said, humorless."

"The socio-path part makes him a good match for my cousin but who ever ends up with her definitely needs a sense of humor." There's a huge crash. The three turn. Angel-Chloe has come in through the roof.

Oliver, "Chloe. Tell me you know what's going on."

"I have no idea."

Angel-Chloe, "Chloe Sullivan, you are coming with me."

Oliver pushes Chloe behind him and pulls a few arrows out of his quill. "She is not coming with you!"

Bruce says he'll find a way to get her to safety and runs for an exit.

You turned Batman into a chicken shit? The fans really are going to squash you like a bug.

"You brought real arrows to a costume ball?"

"Trick arrows." He takes aim.

Angel-Chloe, "You can not stop me."

Three security guards try to tackle Angel-Chloe. She flings them against a nearby wall.

You should be happy about that Allison. You get to fling people against a wall.

I'm sure between costumer changes from halter top to fishnets I'll be thrilled.

Oh, and there's going to be full body make-up for your nude scene.

Michael, I knew there was a reason you sat all the way across the table from me today.

Oliver shoots three arrows at once.

They hit Angel-Chloe and explode into a huge ball of fire. The other guests scream and run for the exit.

Chloe peers from behind Oliver. "Some trick. What was that thing?"

"I was hoping you knew. It had your face. Evil twin?"

"I was raised an only child. If I have an evil sibling we were separated at birth."

Cut to the smoky end of the ballroom. Angel-Chloe emerges from the smoke. Wispy clouds strategically placed because her uniform has burned off completely.

[Rolls her eyes and taps her pencil on the table as if trying to restrain herself from speaking]

She's apparently unharmed. "Chloe Sullivan, you are coming with me."

Both Oliver and Chloe get wide eyed.

Oliver for different reasons that Chloe I'll bet.

He begins pulling more arrows out of his quiver "I hope you have your friend Clark on speed dial."

Chloe starts fumbling with her purse.

Lex meets Lana in the library/KFC. "My God, your hand!"

"Don't worry about me, Lana. We have to get you to safety."

And get some popcorn chicken.

"What's going on?"

"I'm not sure, but I think someone has co-opted one of LuthorCorp's defense projects."

"Which one?"

"The one creating a copy of Prof. Fine. They've turned three prototypes into you, Lois and Chloe."

"Are the others safe?"

"I don't know. I needed to make sure you were safe first. My father is taking care of Lois."

"What about Chloe?"

Lex hesitates.

"Lex!"

"We'll do something."

"She's in Gotham."

"Good, if she's that far away it should take a while for the robot to locate her."

"She needs to be warned."

"OK. We'll call her as soon as I can get you somewhere you can hide."

"We need to get a bandage on that hand first. Are we going to the mansion?"

"There's no time for a bandage right now. The mansion is no good. I'm sure they know about your connection to me."

"Then where?"

"The Level 33.1 building. It's built like Fort Knox."

Ballroom. Chloe is on the phone.

"Pick up, Clark, pick up! You and that damn fortress!"

Sound of cloth fluttering. Oliver and Chloe look up. We see a flash of light and hear another explosion.

Chloe asks "Is that?"

"Yes, I think it is! At least now we might have a fighting chance."

An elderly gentlemen approaches. "Ms. Sullivan. Please come with me."

Chloe looks to Oliver. "You can trust him. He's Bruce's butler. He'll take you somewhere safe." Oliver shoots three more arrows and we hear more explosions.

Chloe hesitates

"Go! Go now!"

She follows Alfred.

You guys went crazy with the DC cameos, didn't you? So is Commissioner Gordon going to debrief Chloe?

No, but that's a good idea.

Even better I think Barbara and Chloe should get into a catfight. Or better yet Chloe and Selena.

Stay focused Michael.

Lana drives up to the Level 33.1 building. Lex swipes his card and they enter. It's completely abandoned and doesn't look like it's been cleaned up since Oliver helped Chloe and Clark escape.

Are you happy? Lex isn't driving with a bad hand anymore. "There should be a phone in the security station."

Lana locates a first aid kit and opens it.

"I thought you wanted to call Chloe."

"Like you said, she's all the way up in Gotham. Let me attend to your hand first." As she unwinds a bandage, "What happened?"

Lex winces, "One of the robots broke it. I still thought it was you at the time."

Lana looks at him with concern... "Your ring..."

"Destroyed. I'll have to get a new one."

"Let me give you my necklace."

"No. You may need it." Lana finishes bandaging his hand. "I'll have a security detail sent but they'll be little more than a distraction for the robot. Get yourself down into the riot bunker. Nothing should be able to get into there."

"Lex..."

"Yes?" Cut Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a hero"

"Be careful."

They kiss passionately. Real passionately because this is the Lex and Lana equivalent of the season 5 finale kiss between Clark and Chloe. Then Lex makes a grand heroic exit.

Great. It's bad enough I have to kiss you, but did you have to tell me "Holding out for a hero" was going to be playing in the background. I might not be able to keep from barfing.

Maybe we have them play the Williams' Superman horns instead.

For Lex? I don't think so.

Are there Lex horns?

Yeah. They grow out of his forehead.

I guess we're stuck with Bonnie Tyler.

Back to the ball. A crowd of people is gathered in a huge circle. We zoom to the center revealing Oliver and Bruce leaning over an unconscious Chloe. Someone has covered her body with a sheet and there are smudges of soot all over her face. Cut back to show Clark zip into the scene. He pushes his way through the crowd. When he sees her he looks quite scared, "Chloe!" Then to Oliver, "Is she OK? She told me she was on her way out of here."

Oliver and Bruce look up Clark. Oliver says, "Glad you could finally make it. Fortunately we were able to get things under control all on our own."

Clark answers that it doesn't look that way. They need to get Chloe to the hospital.

Oliver stands. He moves back the sheet with his foot to reveal Chloe has wings on her back. Clark looks up at him in shock.

Bruce says "Chloe is safe at my place."

Oliver smiles, "Let me introduce you to my friend. Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne. Bruce, this is Clark. He and Chloe go way back."

Shaking hands with Clark. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Angel-Chloe stirs. Everyone steps back several feet. Bruce looks around for an exit and Oliver readies his bow.

So Oliver is Green Arrow out in the open?

He has on the costume.

But he just introduced Clark to Bruce. And wouldn't other people know it was him from before?

They had just arrived when the angel attacked. He hadn't talked to anyone but Bruce.

Anyway this is how the comic's Green Arrow got his start, at a costume party dressed as Robin Hood.

Oh. OK. So Chloe is there for the origin of Green Arrow. That's pretty cool.

Oh yeah, we did do something nice for Chloe this episode, didn't we?

It doesn't make up for all the other crap.

Angel-Chloe stands slowly and turns around. The sheet falls from her body.

Oliver, "I won't let you take her."

She exits the ballroom without comment.

Bruce gets a call. He looks concerned, "Excuse me." He heads for a door and Oliver and Clark follow him. They enter a lobby where CNN is playing footage of Lois. She's reading the terrorists' demands. The other two angels stand behind her. Bruce says "I have a feeling I know where she's headed."

"Clark you might want to..." whoosh sound effect, "...go check that out." Oliver turns and Clark is gone. He smiles. "Well, Bruce, now that it's out of Gotham I guess it's no longer your concern."

"Correction. It's no longer my primary concern." He holds an evidence bag containing several feathers and strands of blonde hair to the light, "but it is still of grave concern."

"Why is that?"

Turning his attention back at the TV. Under the picture of Lois reads the line, 'LuthorCorp lab under siege' "Because of the person behind this technology."

Lex's office. Clark storms in but stops short about ten feet from Lex. Lionel and Lex are discussing strategy. Clark volunteers to help.

Lex scoffs but Lionel thinks Clark may be able to offer assistance.

Clark learns that the angels are robot prototypes based on nanotechnology from fragments of Brainiac LuthorCorp was able to chip off the ship using a high power laser generated from a meteor rock core.

Say that 10 times fast.

Clark asks Lex if he realizes that one of those machines nearly killed Chloe.

Lionel is shocked. "Chloe?" Lex, you didn't tell me the third robot had taken the form of "Ms. Sullivan."

Clark is shocked by this news as well.

Lex was concerned about saving Lana.

Lionel asks Clark if "Ms. Sullivan" is safe.

Clark says yes. She was up in Gotham with Oliver Queen. Apparently the robot just left without any explanation.

Lex, "Because they were able to catch Lois. I think they were originally were after all three and Lana was a way to get to me. When they learned Lois is the LuthorCorp spokesperson they changed strategy."

Lionel observes that the opponent who changes strategy when opportunity presents itself is the most dangerous.

Lex observes that "At least Lana is safe now."

"What about Lois?"

"We'll save her."

Lionel says they cannot negotiate with terrorists.

Clark says what choice do they have? They can't let Lois die.

Lionel doesn't think they'll kill Lois. If they do they loose all their leverage.

Lex suggests that Lionel go to the site and pretend to be interested in negotiation while Lex and Clark work on a way to disable the robots.

Lionel agrees and leaves.

"Why do you do this Lex? Your experiments no longer have bounds. You're obsessed!"

"Somebody's got to save the world, Clark. I don't see you volunteering."

"The world doesn't need saving today but Lois does. And that's why I'm here."

"Someday the world is going to need to be saved, some day soon."

"But from whom, Lex? From whom?"

"Don't turn me into the bad guy, Clark. It seems like I'm the only one with a clear eye of the future."

"I'm getting a clearer picture of your future every day, Lex and I do not like what I'm beginning to see. I'm not the one who's put Lois in danger."

"Clark, this is bigger than Lois. It's bigger than you or even me. Why can't you see that? Kal-El has to be stopped. Billions of lives hang in the balance. Our individual lives; you, me, Lois; they don't matter."

"Yes they do, Lex. They all do."

"I'll help you save Lois but I want you're help defeating Kal-El in exchange."

"Maybe I don't want your help anymore."

"I know you don't want it. The question is do you need it?"

Clark looks at Lex's bandaged hand.

Lex is embarrassed and hides it behind his back.

Finally Clark walks up next to Lex, "Lex you need to get to a hospital your hand is... it could be broken."

"Oh, it's broken, Clark. But it's only my hand. There are more pressing matters to attend to right now."

Zoom back into Lex's blood stream. The particles of Kryptonite glow. Zoom out to show the bones in his hand fusing back together.

Zoom back to Lex. He looks at his hand in amazement, "Besides, maybe it's shock, but it doesn't hurt anymore."

Clark wobbles a bit. He puts his hand on Lex's desk to support himself.

Reaching out to steady his friend, "Clark, are you OK?"

Clark looks confused. He's looks around the room frantically for Kryptonite but doesn't see any, "Just a little dizzy. I just need to sit down."

Lex pulls over a chair. "Here you go." He helps Clark sit and puts his hand on Clark's shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll save Lois. And we'll do it together."

Clark smiles weakly. He doesn't feel good.

Cut to outside the facility. Lionel is with a SWAT team. The leader tells him that he has 2 hours to find a solution before they go in and handle the situation themselves.

Lionel tells them not to be silly. The robots will slaughter his men like they were cattle.

A general strides up. "He's right. That's why if you can't clean up your own mess we're going to nuke the place. Hostage or no hostage."

"With all due respect, General, I believe that's a little extreme. That's general Lane's daughter in there."

"General Lane has been assessed of the situation. It's out of his hands. You'd better get working."

Inside the facility cameras are rolling. Bob is blathering on about how LuthorCorp is destroying the planet and how Lois is just as guilty as the Luthors.

Lois disagrees.

"Rationalize all you want but when this is over and you're dead your soul will be judged and sent straight to hell where it belongs."

"When I'm dead?"

"You didn't really think we would let you live, did you? You're LuthorCorp's the sacrificial lamb. They will repent for their misdeeds and sin no more."

Back to Lex's office. Clark wants Lex to confirm that the robot technology came from the ship.

Lex reluctantly confirms it.

"Do they consist of meteor rock."

"About 20%."

Clark frowns.

Lex wants to know what he's thinking.

Clark says he may have something which can neutralize the robots.

"What is it?"

"It's a crystal I found in the caves."

"A crystal, what kind of crystal?"

"A black crystal. Prof. Willowbrook believed it was a fragment from a weapon Numan's people would use to destroy those who opposed them."

Lex barely contains his anger. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"I thought it was just a legend."

"Do you think it's true now?"

"I don't know. But I can't think of anything else to try."

"Where is it? I'll take you there."

"No. You need to find out a way we can get into the robots."

"A gun."

"Yes. Maybe crushed as shot in a shotgun. I'll get the crystal and meet you at the facility." Clark tries to stand.

"Are you sure you're going to be OK?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Just meet me there."

Clark goes to the fortress and breaks off a sliver of the black crystal. He comes to the facility and hides the crystal in a nearby field. Then he comes to Lex with the sliver.

"Is that all you have?"

"Yes. It should be enough don't you think?"

"How should I know? It will have to do. We need to crush it and put it in these shells."

Clark tries to crush the crystal but is unable to. He wipes some sweat from his forehead and hands the sliver to Lex.

Lex takes the crystal and crushes it without effort. He packs it into four shells and announces to the SWAT team he's going in.

He breaks it with the broken or the good hand?

Good hand. He doesn't realize it's not broken anymore. Lana bandaged it up really tight.

"You're not going to be able to afford any misses."

"Yeah. That's assuming this crystal of yours works." Lex starts to walk off.

"Lex."

Lex turns, "Yes, Clark?"

"I'm going to go with you."

"Clark, don't be ridiculous. You're sick. You'll only slow me down."

"But your hand"

"I can handle it, Clark. Besides this is my mess. I need to take care of it myself."

Realizing Lex is right Clark nods, "Good luck."

"You know I don't believe in luck. But thanks anyway."

When Lex enters with a shot gun Bob scoffs. "You think that's going to destroy your ultimate killing machines, Lex? A shot gun? Really, don't insult my intelligence." To Angel-Lana, "Show him the door." Angel-Lana moves towards Lex. He fires the shot gun at point blank but she super speeds out of the way and grabs him by the neck, lifting him up into the air. Lex raises the gun and she grabs it and tosses it behind him.

Bob smiles. "Now choke him. To death."

Lex looks a little panicked. He grabs onto Angel-Lana's arm and starts squeezing. To his amazement she loosens her grip. She looks confused. Then scared. Once Lex has his feet back on the floor he throws Angel-Lana by her arm across the room and into a wall. He looks at his hands in amazement and smiles.

Angel-Lana gets up and all three come after him.

Insert all the slow motion camera POV spinning the budget can stand for the fight scene.

Lois edges towards the machine with the robot goop in it and slowly pulls the hose down.

Lex puts up a good fight but he's no for three robots. All three grab him at once and throw him across the room. Lois hits the green button and sprays the Krypto-goop on the Angels.

The entire room fills with green steam. Lois runs for the shot gun.

The steam slowly clears and the heat from the goop has burned the angels' clothes off. Some of the goop has stuck to their bodies so it looks like they've just finished mud wrestling in green mud.

Three nude scenes in one episode and fishnets? What did I do to deserve this?

Don't worry. We'll use body doubles.

I'm worried about the integrity of the show and of my character.

Exactly. No way we're going to use body doubles. It reflects poorly on the show. I want my fans to know it's all me, baby.

That's not exactly what I meant, Erica.

Allison, your character is fine. The robot was naked. And the show? It's beyond redemption. I don't see what you're so upset about. So you have to wear fishnets. I don't want to hear you complain until you play a lesbian vampire who eye-jaculates all over herself.

You make that scene sound so much hotter than it actually was.

They dressed Chloe up like the Happy Hooker! What do I have to do to get your sympathy, chase a winged naked body double around with a glowing green dildo?

That's a start.

Dammit, Tom, why didn't we think of that?

Aren't you satisfied with three exploding naked woman robots?

Sorry, It's like I'm kid in a candy store.

[Shaking his head] Most of the goop has collected on the floor and hardened. The robots are stuck in it.

Lois grabs the gun and struts up to Angel-Lois.

"Say your prayers, bitch, because you're one angel who's about to go straight to hell!"

Lex yells, "No!"

Since when does Lois Lane sound like dirty Harriet?

Is it too much?

No, it's good.

It's too much.

It's good.

The 'bitch' part may go over the line.

Scratch 'bitch'?

Definitely.

Allison!

I think she's right.

I like dirty Harriet.

Maybe during the hiatus you can star in another direct to video action flick.

And you can be a minor character in a second rate animated kids film.

All right girls, am I going to have to break this up?

Why would you want to do that?

I'd like for this reading to be over with sometime this week.

Lois fires. For a second or two nothing happens. Show Angel-Lois look down at her chest where Lois shot her.

She's naked. You can't show that on TV!

She's partially covered in Krypto-goop. If they can show Mystique from the X-men movie on TV we can show this.

Cut to Lois. She looks a little nervous.

Cut back to a close up of Angel-Lois. She looks up and smiles evilly. Then smoke starts to rise up into the frame.

Cut back to show all three angels with Lois standing in the foreground. Angel Lois explodes throwing Lois out of the frame.

Setting off a chain reaction which causes angel-Chloe and angel-Lana to explode as well.

Sweet. That's good enough for me to almost forgive you for not going with the dragon wings.

Maybe another episode.

Lois is knocked unconscious. Bob scrambles to get to the shotgun. Lex super speeds to cut him off and punches him in the face. Lex smiles widely.

He pulls out his phone and dials. "You can come in now. Everything has been taken care of. He bends down to check on Lois and frowns. "We'll need a medic."

Cut to the outside of the facility. Clark watches paramedics roll a still unconscious Lois into an ambulance. Lex comes over and stands next to him. Clark sits on a police cruiser to steady himself.

"Tell me where you found those crystals."

"I told you the caves."

"We scoured every inch of those caves and never found anything like it."

"I'm sorry Lex. What can I say? I stumbled on the crystal shortly after I found the caves."

"Clark, don't hold out on me. If there is any more of this crystal we need it."

"For what? You're not planning on continuing this project are you? Not after this?"

"No Clark. This crystal finally gives us something we can use against Kal-El or any of the other aliens."

"There wasn't any left of what I gave you?"

"No."

"I can't help you Lex. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too Clark. For a second there I thought we had reconnected."

"Why does that only seem happen when your actions wind up threatening the life of someone close to me?"

Lex smiles. "Clark, if I were in the baseball bat business would you blame me if someone hit you over the head with one?"

"These robots, they aren't baseball bats."

"To me they are. They're tools. I can't take responsibility for how others use them."

"Maybe you should!"

"It's been a pleasant visit Clark but I'm tiring of the lectures. Take care of yourself." Lex pats Clark on the back and walks off.

Clark looks scared. He walks over to the field where he left the rest of the crystal. He glances around him before picking it up. He stares at it intently and frowns.

Hospital. Lana and Lex outside of Lois' room.

[Holds out an open hand to ED]

[Digging into her purse.] Dammit, Tom! You told me Lois wasn't going to end up in the hospital!

Plans changed. Sorry.

[Hands AM $50]

Lex grabs Lana before she can go in, he shows her his hand. For this scene Don Henley's "End of the Innocence".

As if remembering for the first time, "You're hand." Shock, "it looks perfectly fine."

Lex flexes it. "It is. Something happened to me today, Lana, something amazing. For a few minutes I had my alien powers back. Then just as quickly they were gone again. It's the only thing that kept me and Lois alive today."

"But how?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to find out." He takes her by the shoulders. "If Lois asks I didn't have extraordinary strength today. It may have looked like it but it was simply LuthorCorp fail-safe technology we developed in case the robots ever malfunctioned. If she presses for more detail you don't know anything, OK?"

"But Lex."

"OK?"

Lana nods, "OK." She enters Lois' room and asks Lois how she's doing.

Lois says she's not sure. She's going to have to do something she never thought she'd do in her life.

"What's that?"

"Tell Lex Luthor 'thank you'. He saved my life. How did he...?"

Didn't Lois thank him back when Lucy stole 50 grand and a car?

Gee. I don't know. Did she?

I'm pretty sure she did.

The explosion did a number on her memory then.

Either that our she's so drugged up she can't think straight.

You need to change that line. The fans will slam her for forgetting that.

The line stays.

"I don't know. He gave me some techno babble about robot fail safe technology. I didn't quite follow."

"Are you sure his alien powers aren't coming back?"

Lana purses her lips before answering, "I'm sure."

Lois doesn't look convinced.

"Apparently Clark had a hand in your rescue too."

"Really?" Sarcastic, "Now there's a surprise."

Lana starts to leave.

"Lana. You... and Lex have showed me that maybe I need to reconsider the way I feel about him. But these experiments he's running? They creep me out and can only end badly. Please, please talk to him. I think you're the only one he's going to listen to."

"OK."

The camera follows Lana out into the hall. She asks Lex to promise him something.

Lex lectures her about King Herod and John the Baptist. Lana assures him the promise involves neither human sacrifice nor half Lex's kingdom. Lex agrees to do it.

Lana looks away from him toward Lois who is now sleeping. "Once you've gotten rid of your father don't fire Lois."

Lex is silent for a moment, "You know how I feel about her."

"I know. I'm asking you to do this for me."

Lex is silent for another moment and then asks Lana if she will promise something in exchange.

"Of course."

"I want you to break off all contact with Clark."

Lana thinks Lex is jealous.

Lex says this is for her own safety. He holds up a bag containing crushed black crystal. "This is what Clark gave me to destroy those robots. He claims they came from the caves."

"You don't believe him. You think he got it from Kal-El."

"I don't know where he got it. But I know it wasn't from the caves. Meanwhile it's time I got my own physical done. I'm hoping it will provide the clues I need to figure how to get my powers back."

Chloe is on the phone in a dark mansion. Alfred putters around cleaning up after dinner. "Lois is in the hospital? Well is she going to be OK? Well thank goodness." She pauses. "Dad, there's another reason I called you. Why didn't you ever tell me mom worked for Lionel Luthor?" pause, "Of course it was my business. She is my mother." pause, "Well if it's not such a big deal why didn't you tell me?" pause, "You're still afraid of him aren't you?" pause, "You're damn right we'll talk about it when I get home!" She hangs up the phone.

Alfred re-appears. "Ah, it used to be the young had more respect for their elders."

Suddenly Chloe is very embarrassed, "I'm sorry. It's a personal matter very important to me. Sometimes I don't think completely rationally when it comes to my mom."

"I see. Mr. Queen is here to pick you up. I'm dreadfully sorry Master Bruce wasn't able to check in on you. Unfortunately he had other matters to attend to."

Walking together towards the door. "Well just tell him thank you. And I'm sorry I ruined his charity ball."

"A thank you it not needed. We are happy to have been of service. And the ball seems to be the least of his worries at the moment." Opening the door and seeing her out. "Good day, Miss Sullivan."

"Good day."

Clark quietly enters Lois' room and sits down next to her. He takes her hand.

She stirs, looks at Clark and smiles, "Hey."

Clark smiles back, "Hey"

She tells him she heard he helped save her.

He says she'd do the same.

She agrees. After a pause "I'm beginning to think maybe I was wrong about Lex. Maybe we all are. He did save my life."

Considering Lois for a second. "You know, my Dad had a saying he was pretty fond of when I was growing up. 'Don't expect accolades for cleaning up the milk if you're the one who spilt it.'"

"I guess Lex did kind of spill it, didn't he."

"At the very least he left it teetering on the edge of the counter, not something my dad was very found of me doing either." A pause. Clark looks down, "I've..." He stops. "I'm afraid maybe I spilled some milk today too."

Lois doesn't understand. Wouldn't Clark know one way or the other?

"Maybe I'm just waiting for it to finally hit the floor, hoping that somehow I can catch it before it does." He still hasn't looked back up, "My Dad always said that was always the hardest part about making mistakes." Finally looking at Lois, "watching them hurt the ones you love."

"There was one day on the campaign I screwed up so many different things I was practically in tears. Your Dad told me we all make mistakes. Learning from them is what makes us better people." she squeezes his hand, "I miss your Dad."

"I do too, Lois."

"He was always ready with a bit of corny but applicable advice. God, I could use a bit of it right now."

You know what I hate about this episode?

What?

Jonathon gets more lines than Martha and he's not even part of the cast.

I can't believe you guys stuffed three Pa Kent platitudes into one scene. I don't think we ever did that even when he was alive.

That's because no prior writers were of the caliber of me and Tom.

You can say that again. It's muddled and awkward. You two couldn't write a decent sentimental scene to save your lives.

From you I'll take that as a compliment. Besides it was all Tom. It was so cute. He cried like a baby writing this scene.

Zip it Mike, "Are you OK?"

Obviously lying, "Oh yeah. Sure. I'm fine."

"Lois, look, I know we don't always see things eye to eye. But if you ever need a friend I'm here. You don't always have to put on a brave face around me."

Lois smiles at him, "Thanks, Clark. That means a lot."

"I'll let you get some rest."

"OK"

"Unless you want to talk..."

Lois smiles, "No. Not right now."

"Later then."

She Nods.

He leaves.

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