6.21 Switch Part I (AKA Secrets)

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Chloe and Lois’ lives are placed in peril when their research into the Kryptonian weapon takes them deep into the underbelly of secret LuthorCorp projects. Lana breaks off relations with Lex when he accuses her of spying on him.

The trailer doesn't match up perfectly with how the episode turned out but I'm leaving in nonetheless

[Picnic bench at the CV studio. AM types furiously on her laptop. A partially eaten bag of pork rinds sits beside her. ED walks up and drops a Big Mac on the table. She sips a milkshake as she sits.]

Whatcha doin'?

[glancing at ED's Big Mac with disgust] How can you eat that garbage?

I don't trust the on-site food any more, if you know what I mean. [Takes a hearty bite out of her burger]

[Absentmindedly nibbles on a pork rind as she stares at the screen] I know what you mean.

[Nodding at the screen] So?

What? Oh, yeah, I'm working on the trailer for our episode.

Already? We don't have anything more than an outline and a sound track.

Sure, why not? [Turns the laptop towards ED] He's what I have so far. What do you think?

[In stark white letters on a black field: "On the next Smallville". As the words fade out fade in with a tight shot of Lana's face]

Lana: We've found the weapon. It's en route to a high security LuthorCorp location.

[Tight shot of Chloe's reaction to the news. Back to the tight shot of Lana]

Lana: If Lex gets his hands on it... I... There's no telling what he'll do.

[Tight shot of Chloe]

Chloe: Thanks for bringing this to me.

[INXS's "Suicide Blond" begins. Tight shots of Chloe 'gearing up'. She wears tight black jeans and a black turtle neck. We see shots of her snapping the buckles on sexy little black boots and pulling on black gloves]

INXS: Don't you know what you're doing?

[Tight shots of Chloe snapping on a stylishly feminine silver utility belt and finally a wireless head set]

INXS: You've got a death wish!

[Waist up shot of Chloe in her gear.]

Chloe: [With a hint of trepidation] I'm ready.

[Pull back to reveal Chloe, Oliver, and Lois standing outside the fence at the LuthorCorp location.]

Oliver: Then let's do this.

[Chloe and Lois nod with determination]

[Shot of Oliver shooting an arrow]

[Shot of Lois dragging unconscious guards away]

[Shot of Oliver giving Chloe a leg up over the fence]

INXS: [singing] Suicide blond

[Chloe lands like a cat and runs for the nearest entrance]

[Shot of Lois in a van observing security camera footage. She's talking into a wireless headset but the only audio is the music]

[Shot of Oliver inside the facility. He takes down two guards from behind by slamming their heads together.]

[Shot of Chloe crawling through a ventilation duct. As she hits a T junction she speaks into her headset]

[Shot of Lex arriving at the facility. He gets out of his car]

[Shot of Chloe running across a mostly empty storage area. She takes a running somersaulting onto a table.]

INXS: [singing] Suicide blond

[Mid somersault she grabs the weapon. She comes out of the somersault still standing on the table with weapon in hand and crouches. She looks up nervously at a flashing red light.]

[Shot of Lex shouting at a few guards running past]

[Shot of Oliver hiding as he pulls out another arrow. Several guards run past him.]

[Shot of Chloe running, weapon in hand.]

INXS: [singing] Suicide blond

[Chloe continues to run with half a dozen guards on her heels.]

[The music stops suddenly]

[Shot of Chloe on the ground. She looks up defiantly and as she sits up she wipes a trickle of blood from her mouth]

[Shot of Lex standing over someone with an evil smirk on his face. He holds the weapon.]

Lex: "Well, what do we have here?"

[Cut to Reynolds speaking with Clark at the Fortress.]

Reynolds: "Our worst fears have come true, Kal-El."

Clark: "The weapon. Someone has used it?"

[Reynolds nods]

Reynolds: "We must hurry. Your friends are in grave danger."

[Shot of Lois kicking and screaming as LuthorCorp guards hold her back]

Lois: No! Chloe!!!!!

[Lois desperately tries to free herself]

Lois: NO!!!!!

[Go to black.]

Lex: [Audio only] It's only appropriate I try out the weapon, before I use it to kill Kal-El.

[The sound of Chloe screaming in pain.]

No pompous voice?

No.

Just dialogue.

And music.

INXS? I kind of liked our idea having Chloe and Oliver make out to "You shook me all night long" in the teaser.

I figured I'd throw Michael a bone. What I did to Stalemate was kind of mean.

Suicide blond is an 80s song?

1990. Close enough.

I think you're just toying with him.

[Guilty look] You're right. I just think that's a good song for Super Chloe.

Me too. I really like Super Chloe!

You don't think it's too much do you?

Absolutely not. She deserves her own show!

[Glowing smile] For real?

And if she gets one you have to promise to take me with you.

And now the episode

AC/DC's "You shook me all night long" is playing. We see the silhouette of a couple kissing playfully in a dark apartment. Between kisses there are giggles and laughter.

Outside we see a woman's feet step out of a car and hear the chirp of her doors being locked.

In homage to Al and Miles and our new episode title the woman whispers in between kisses , "She... could... walk in... on us... any minute..."

Whispers? Must be Lana.

Shut up!

I love spurned lover freaks!

Really? Because aren't those the one's where you usually get tied up?

What does that say about you Michael?

I was thinking more of Tina and Alicia rather than you know, whats-her-name.

No wonder they want to tie you up and burn you to death.

I bet unlike Lex Michael doesn't even send earrings.

This isn't funny anymore.

The man chuckles, "Maybe we should let her." He unbuttons her blouse.

The woman hesitates, "We shouldn't do this here. It is her apartment."

Follow the foot falls of the woman as she crosses the street.

Back inside our couple is making out on the couch. The man, "Then we'll just have to make sure she doesn't find out." Various close ups of bare body parts.

The woman gets to the door and pulls out a set of keys. She turns the key in the lock.

The couple falls from the couch to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. The man laughs. The woman giggles through a half hearted "shhhh"

The door swings open and the woman flips on the light. It turns out to be Lois who is shocked to find Chloe and Oliver lying half naked on her floor. AC/DC stops with a "scratching record" effect.

That is so lame. I thought we were actually going to have a fun freak of the week for once. And you two pull this crap.

That's what makes it funny.

What, that it irritates me?

That helps, but we set it up that way. It makes it's funny when it turns out to be Lois who has no interest in Oliver.

But she is interested in Chloe?

[rolls eyes]

Didn't they break up?

I'm pretty sure they did.

I guess it didn't stick.

I still wish we had decided Oliver would fall for Lois.

There was no way to make that realistic.

Oh. So now we're going for realistic. On a show about a man that flies.

Clark doesn't fly.

Yet.

A technicality. On a show where a man shots laser beams out of his eyes.

They aren't laser beams...

You're not helping, Tom.

I just want you to get the terminology right. Besides, Kristin is right. It's not realistic for Oliver to be attracted to Lois.

You know what? Let's save this argument for another day.

You take that idea to Al and Miles and you're a dead woman. Lois doesn't need to be slumming it with the dregs of the Justice League in her formative years.

Aquaman and Green Arrow are not dregs.

Says who? Everybody knows they're second tier heroes.

Third tier if you ask me.

I didn't. Besides, I don't see how a second tier hero is any worse than than your typical freak of the week. It's not like Hank was a real winner.

That's not the point. Superman isn't going to be working with those freaks in the future.

Besides, Lois did get Hank. Chloe should get attention too.

Chloe can have Hank!

That's not realistic either. He's Stafford's chief of staff.

[Sighs] Whatever. Lois, "Oh God." she shields her eyes and turns away. "What the hell you two? Take it to the bedroom!"

Oliver and Chloe just giggle. She pulls her blouse back on and hands Oliver his shirt. "Lois... I thought you were already asleep. What are you doing out this late?"

Now wait a second. I thought you weren't comfortable with that kind of thing, Allison.

I figured what the hell. And I noticed Sting is going to be on tour so he's not available to play Oliver.

Dammit!

Still averting her eyes as she half blindly tries to find the way to her bedroom. "Chloe when I asked if you could move in and help with the rent I didn't know it meant I'd be walking in on late night booty calls."

Cold.

Oliver, "It's safe to look, Lois."

Keeping her hand up, "Actually I'd rather not. Chloe's my little cousin! Dammit, Oliver, you're a billionaire. Can't you afford a stinking hotel room?"

Oliver smiles, "Where's the fun in that?" Chloe, "Lois, I'm a grown woman. What's the big deal?"

As she disappears into her bedroom, "I don't care if you're forty seven. You're still my little cousin. Just try not to make too much noise, OK?" She shuts the door.

Oliver and Chloe look at each other and laugh.

Oliver seductively, "Now where were we?" End teaser.

When we come back it's morning. The three of them are in Lois' kitchen. Oliver is serving breakfast.

Lois, enthusiastically digs into her scrambled eggs, "You should have your boyfriend spend the night more often, Chloe."

We we broke them up! You can't just ret-con that!

[gives MR a stern look] There are a few Lex scenes we could cut entirely.

I'm shutting up.

We did break them up!

A fact that didn't get by me either. Oliver, "Your cousin didn't tell you? She dumped me." See? Continuity.

Lois, "Based on what I walked in on last night it looks like you're back together."

Chloe looks like the cat who ate the canary.

"Chloe!?"

Please don't tell me Chloe and Oliver are friends with benefits.

They're just messing around. Oliver, "Don't worry Lois, your cousin's honor remains completely in tact. I was just happy to see her and..." He gazes at Chloe "We got a little carried away."

Allison, this is completely out of character. What the hell?

I figured Chloe should have a little fun for once in her life.

Yeah. That's the out of character part.

So her experiences in Bridges gave her a new perspective on life.

[joyous] I turned Chloe into a slut!

[chuckles] A Hoe, to be precise.

Grow up, you two.

Chloe blushes. Lois is perturbed at being patronized, "I'm not a prude. You don't have to pretend in front of me."

Oliver, "Seriously, it was just a very enthusiastic re-union."

Still irritated, "Whatever."

Chloe changes the subject. "What I want to know is where you were in the middle of the night. It seems I saw more of you before we lived together. You're not even going to class anymore."

You're not going to have her drop out of college again, are you?

Lighten up, Welling. Lois, "You've been taking notes for me, right?"

"Lois..."

"OK. I was hoping to do this over champagne, but bacon and eggs will have to do." She digs into a bag on the counter and pulls out a book, "Ta-da!" Suddenly inspired, "Oh! I know, Mimosas!"

You're not seriously having Lois drink at breakfast, are you?

Is that too much? Should we take it out?

I think we should.

It's her first book. She should have a Mimosa with her cousin to celebrate.

Her cousin is not of age.

Damn liquor laws. Fine. They'll toast her book to plain old OJ.

Chloe, shocked, "There is no way you're finished already!"

Commercial Break!

Oliver takes the book and reads the title, "In the belly of the beast: My life and times as poster girl for America's most dangerous company. I guess I had you pegged wrong, Lois" He looks back at the book and grins, "And get this, 'by Lois Lane..." He raises his eyebrows and smiles at Chloe, "...'with Chloe Sullivan'."

Lois beams. Chloe, though obviously thrilled, tries to chastise, "I told you not to put me on the by line!"

Lois does a happy dance, "Too late!"

Oliver, "Aren't they worried that Chloe's, uh, notoriety could hurt sales?" Chloe glares at Oliver and stabs at her eggs emphatically.

Lois, "Sales aren't what's important. Getting the truth out," she smiles at Chloe, "and making sure the right people get credit are. Besides, it hit the presses last night and preview copies are already on their way to critics."

Oliver presses, "Still, you want to get the truth out to as many..."

Chloe interrupts.

"Why don't we tell Lois the real reason you're here?"

Chloe and Lois make me sick. They're so... chummy.

Aw, Micheal, do you wish Lex had a chum?

Shut up!

"You mean you're here for more than hooking up with my incredibly attractive cousin?"

So Lois is interested in her!

[The rest of the cast roll their eyes]

Oliver is annoyed but stops talking. After a second or two Lois asks, "And the reason would be?"

Oliver continues to hesitate. Chloe looks at him expectantly.

Lois, "So are you going to let me into your little conspiracy or not?"

Chloe, "How would you like to help us get our hands on the weapon before Lex? According to Lana their team is on the verge of finding it."

Lois, suddenly serious, "The weapon? Kal-El's weapon?"

"Lana is afraid what Lex might do with it."

Lois gulps, "Yeah, me too. I thought it was just, you know, a legend."

"Trust me. It's real."

"So you're in some kind of race to see who can find it first?"

Oliver, "Actually, no. Lex already has an army scouring the countryside. We can't do much more than reconnaissance without being detected. Once his team finds it we'll steal it out from under their noses."

Lois is silent for a moment. "That isn't going to be easy."

Lois has never watched this show, has she?

Shut up.

Oliver, "We know."

"So assuming we do get it, what then?"

Oliver and Chloe eye each other nervously. Chloe, "I think we should destroy it."

"What if we're wrong about Kal-El? Maybe we should hang on to it. Just in case."

Oliver, "As in you keeping it? I don't think so."

Lois, "No, I think it should be in the hands of the least corruptible of us."

Chloe, "OK. So who's our Frodo Baggins?" The three look at each other suspiciously for a few seconds.

Lois, "Clark. He's as incorruptible as they come. We should give it to him for safe keeping."

Oliver and Chloe eye each other enjoying the irony.

"What?"

Chloe, "No. I think that's a great idea." Oliver agrees.

"OK. I'm in."

Lex's bathroom. Lex is taking a shower.

Why is it I've ended up with more shower scenes than anyone else this season?

Your fit girlish figure?

Shut up!

Hey, I don't want to hear any complaining until we try to get you naked by burning your clothes off. He stops washing and looks at his ring with concern. It's not glowing so he continues washing. Then he hears the door open. He glances at his ring again. Still no glow. Relieved, "Lana, is that you?" Besides, this beats being at the bottom of a ravine all broken and covered in blood.

That was Kristen's idea, not mine.

You didn't seem too opposed. A sultry voices answers, "Hello, Alexander." It's Kahloe.

Cue Hall & Oats' "Man Eater"

Kalhoe? Who's that?

"Kick-Ass Chloe". Known previously as Hoe.

Wait, you're bringing back Hoe? She's supposed to be gone. You bring back Hoe now and I'll bring Sex back next episode, I swear!

Don't you mean you'll bring "Sexy back"?

[rolls eyes] No! Timberlake is nothing but a poser!

He's no Peter Cetera.

Damn straight!

Besides, it's not Hoe, it's Kahloe and that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Don't think you're safe just because Tom's co-author!

I already know Tom can't be counted on to protect Chloe.

Allison...

She throws open the shower curtain and observes him for a few seconds. She wears the same red dress and stiletto heals. Lex stands there dumb founded.

I don't know whether to be excited or afraid.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I think I'm a little of both!

She casually picks up a hair dryer. Flirtatiously, "Did you miss me?"

Lex doesn't move.

OK. Now I'm just afraid.

"I thought the plan was to kill me when you had the chance." Kahloe smiles as she looks Lex up and down. "Either you're not a big enough man to get the job done,"

Allison?

Allison!

She handles the hair dryer a bit suggestively, "or you just weren't up for the task at hand."

This is just wrong!

"Either way, you should have made your move when you had the chance." She drops the hair dryer into the tub.

Lex gets wide eyed and tries to jump out before he gets electrocuted.

But he slips and busts his head on the tile floor. He doesn't die though.

Allison!

He lands on his back and lies bleeding on the floor. He turns his head to look up at her.

Cut to Lex's point of view.

She raises her foot over his head, relishing the moment. "Good bye, Alexander." Her foot comes down at the camera.

I bet you relished writing that, Allison. But it's wrong! Really wrong.

Cry me a river, Michael.

Cut to Lex sitting up in bed screaming and sweaty.

"God, Lex. You scared me!" Lana apparently has been up. She's standing by his side of the bed in her robe. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a nightmare."

"Are you sure?"

Irritated, "Yes!"

Lana hesitates, "Lex, you were screaming out Chloe's name."

Even more irritated, "I said I'm fine!" Lex wipes his face and then looks at his hands. He rubs the Kryptonite in his ring. "What are you doing up?"

"I needed a glass of water."

Lex smiles, "Was there one on my side of the bed?"

Lana gives him a coy smile and wraps her hands around his neck. I couldn't resist watching you..."

God, you two. Do you have to turn Lana into a horn dog?

Don't tell me Lex wouldn't turn on just about any red blooded American woman.

Doesn't do much for me.

We'll you're Canadian.

Are you saying Canadians don't have good taste in men?

If the shoe fits...

Doesn't do much for me either.

Well you're German.

Technically...

Where exactly were you born?

[Huffs] Fine.

Well I...

Canadian!!!!!

I think Michael cuts a fine figure.

Thank you, Annette. Straight from the mouth of a red blooded Texan woman. You can't get any more American than that.

Technically Canada is on the American continent.

Only at our sufferance. Don't think that makes you an American, sister.

You all are so... [sighs] Regardless, if you ask me Americans, US Americans, have lousy taste. No offense, Annette.

They've kept this show on for six seasons. Who am I to argue?

Commercial Break!

Lana walks toward the bedroom door and exits. The camera follows her outside.

Outside she stops and looks into her open palm. She's holding a kryptonite ring just like Lex's. She closes her hand again and walks down the hall.

Now hold on! Lex should know she swapped rings!

Lana drives him to distraction.

But not in a good way.

[Throws a piece of paper at MR]

Sneaky little wench.

Actually how do we know she was able to switch them?

She did switch them, right?

I don't know. We didn't see it happen.

Because Hoe...

Kahloe!

Sorry, Kahloe was stomping Lex's face at the time.

Don't remind me.

Lex talks with Dr. Durance via video conference.

He tells her he's aware of her and Lana's little agreement.

Now there's the smart and competent Lex I've been waiting for!

Yeah, don't rub it in. Durance asks him what she wants her to do.

Lex tells her to continue to play along but when she finds the weapon tell him only. Lana must be lead to believe they are still searching.

Durance argues that there are scores of people down there. Lana is bound to...

Lex tells her he'll continue to pay their salaries. Durance can tell them whatever she wants. Let them think what they found was a fake. He doesn't care. He just doesn't want Lana to know until the weapon is in his hands.

He is such a bastard.

A Magnif...

I don't think so.

You can think all you want, but you're getting eclipsed, old man.

Lex cuts the line. He checks his watch and walks out of the war room.

Cut to show Lex exit into a hall way. A few seconds later Lana enters the hallway. She glances up and down the hallway before sneaking in and locking the door behind her.

She approaches the video link and fishes behind the monitor before pulling out a small MP3 player. The display reads "Recording..." She presses a button to stop the recording plugs the player into something that looks like an iPod. Of if we can get an Apple sponsorship a real iPod. In the corner of the screen we see a set of car keys.

She's using an MP3 player to snoop on Lex? Why don't we call her low tech Lana?

She's improvising. It's not like she has Chloe's technical finesse.

Yeah, but an MP3 player?

Lois used a taper recorder in Facade. And it ate the tape.

When you put it like that I guess am MP3 player is OK.

Cut to Lex searching his pockets as he walks up to his porche.

Back to the war room. The contraption slightly larger than an iPod reads "Transfering Audio." Lana looks really nervous as she waits for the process to complete.

Yadda yadda yadda. Lots of tense stuff to make it look like Lex is going to walk in on her.

And he kind of does as she's puting the MP3 player back in place.

He asks what she was doing.

Lana lies that she was about to check up on the team's progress.

Lex says he just did.

"What did they say?"

"Still nothing."

Lana lies poorly, "Lex, I'm starting to think this might all be a wild goose chase. Maybe we should have the team pack up and come home."

Lex studies her for a second, "You were the one who was so sure we were on to something. Why would you want to stop now?"

Lana doesnt' answer.

"Let's give it a few days."

"OK." Lex ushers Lana out the door and returns to the video monitor. He reaches behind and pulls out the MP3 player. It's recording. He comptemplates it for a few seconds.

Now there's the smart and competent Lex I've been waiting for!

I said don't rub it in. We cut to outside in the hallway. Lana nervously watches the door for a second or two and then walks away.

Martha's apartment. Lois drops by. She joyfully shows Martha her book.

Martah congradulates her. She can't wait to read it.

Lois asks if there's any word from Clark.

Martha says no.

Lois doesn't understand. It's not like Clark just to take off like that without saying goodbye to people.

Martha explains that Clark has been through a lot lately. They all have.

Lois agrees. She hopes Clark is all right.

Martha says she hopes the same thing. She segues into mentioning she's going to start Lois' book right away.

Lois cautions her. There are some pretty bad things in there about "her boyfriend."

Martha tells Lois that she's in the process of re-evaluating her relationship with Lionel.

Lois tells Martha that now that she has LuthorCorp under her belt it's on to ever greater challenges.

Martha is impressed. What is Lois going to take on that bigger than LuthorCorp?

"Kal-El, our friendly neighborhood inter-galactic man of mystery."

Martha tries to seem supportive. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Mrs. K." She says to say hi to Clark for her and leaves.

Martha closes the door and looks at Lois' book with trepidation.

Lana drops by Chloe and Lois' apartment. She tells Chloe she can't trust the information she gets from Lex anymore.

Chloe tells her based on what Lana already gave them they have all the information needed to locate the search site. In fact they already have eyes on the ground. Chloe asks if Lex is on to Lana.

Lana isn't sure.

Chloe suggests she steer clear of of Lex for a while. If he found out she has been helping them there's no telling what he might do.

In a bit of ironic forshadowing Lana says that Lex would never purposefully hurt her. Lois arrives. She asks if everything is in place.

Chloe, "Almost."

Lionel's office. Martha enters. He hopes that Martha has reconsidered. The clause in his bill was just business. Nothing personal.

She accosts him, "Nothing personal? Is that what you call engineering my senate scandal? Ruining Chloe's career?"

Lionel asks for clarification.

She asks if Lionel hired Lois just to use her the same way he ruined Chloe's career for his own gain.

"I don't know what Lex has told you, but..."

"Lex isn't the only one who sees you for who you are." She holds up Lois' book.

Lionel tries to do a little fancy footwork.

Martha tells him she can't believe what a fool she was, letting him seduce her while he manipulated her and everyone around her. Manipulating her education bill was bad enough, but using Lois, Chloe, even Clark for his own gain? And now Clark is gone because instead of being there for him she was with Lionel. "How could you?"

"Surely you don't believe those lies, Martha."

"You can go to hell, Lionel. I never want to see you again."

You two are treading on some seriously shaking ground here. You don't want to raise the ire of the magnificent bastard. Lois is as good as dead.

We'll see. Lionel tentetively tests the waters for any hint of possible reconciliation.

But Martha leaves without a word.

Lex confronts Lana about visiting Chloe.

She counters that if Chloe is the enemy why did Lex meet with her himself.

For a second Lex isn't sure what to say. He explains that he thought he could get her to side with him they wouldn't have had to give up control of LuthorCorp.

She thought the weapon was all that mattered.

Commercial Break!

Lex goes on the offensive. Despite Lana's life long fixation about trusting people she can't even keep the one promise she ever made to Lex. He scaled back his research to accommodate her whims, pushing back breakthroughs for months, even years, possibly putting the entire world in jeopardy just to placate her conscience. After all that could Lana stay away from the one or two people they both know are Kal-El's hand picked lackeys? A resounding no.

Point, Lex!

"I promised to stay away from Clark!"

"For one simple reason, because he was involved with Kal-El. How is Chloe any different? She's just as guilty as he is!" Lex submits that he was too quick to believe that there was finally someone in his life he could trust.

Lana tries to weasel out of responsibility.

But Lex won't hear anything of it. Finally Lana apologizes.

Holy crap! Did I hear that right? Lana apologizes?

You heard right.

He shoots, he scores! Game, set, match! Lex Luthor! [Mimics the sound of a crowd]

You're mixing your sports metaphors a bit there.

Lighten up.

The one time Lana is right she apologizes? What the fuck?

She just wants to stay close long enough to make sure he doesn't get the weapon.

Oh.

Sneaky wench.

[Fake sports announcer voice] The refs ask for an instant replay. The decision is reversed and the game goes on. [Mimics the sound of a crowd] Lan - A, Lan - A, Lan - A! [Mimics the sound of a crowd again] She's got Lex on the ropes. It doesn't look good for the world's greatest criminal mind. Not good at all.

[sticks his tongue out at KK]

You're mixing your sports metaphors...

Shut up!

Lionel's office. A lackey hands Lionel Lois' book.

"Dig up Ms. Lane's employment agreement for me."

"Yes, sir." He exits.

Lionel opens the book and as he scans it his face turns to an angry scowl.

Cut to show one of the final chapters in the table of contents, entitled, "Return of the old guard: How company founder Lionel Luthor's manipulation of the media and congress placed him back on top."

He hits the intercom for his secretary. "Send someone from legal right away." He sees the dedication, "Dedicated in loving memory of Jonathon Kent whose faith in me restored my faith in myself and whose example brought me into the business of slaying giants." He slams the book closed. On the back of the book is a blurb by Perry White. He barks at his secretary, "And get me Perry White at the Planet!"

He's taken names. Now it's time for the MB to kick some ass!

Search site. Oliver perches in a tree with binoculars and an audio dish.

He's listening in on Dr. Durance's conversations. An employee brings her a battered box. Inside is the weapon.

He radios Chloe and Lois. Lois asks if Oliver can retrieve it.

He observes a few dozen armed guards. "That's a negative. Pack up girls. We're going to have to go in under the cover of night."

Lionel's office. Two lawyers sit in front of his desk.

Time for the kicking of ass!

He ignores them as he yells at his secretary not to accept no for an answer.

The ass kicking has begun!

Apparently Perry is refusing to take his calls. Lionel is going to contact he publisher now.

Perry is not accepting his call? That's very foolish.

Eventually he raises his ire to the lawyers. They tell him they can sue the publisher but their case will get laughed out of court.

Now wait a second. I don't like the sound of this. What happened to the ass kicking?

Lionel wants to know how that's possible. Lois' employment contract was iron clad.

They hand over an addendum to Lois' contract signed by Lex.

"This is dated the day Lex forced me out."

While the wording seems innocuous enough it gives Lois all the wiggle room she needs to defend her book.

"But why would Lex do that? He trusts her less than I do!"

The addendum came from Lana's office. She must have had an outside entity write it up and a junior level lawyer rubber stamped it.

Lionel flies into a rage and throws the men out of his office. He wants the man who approved the addendum fired.

He buzzes his secretary and tells her to set up an appointment with Lois.

What happened to the ass kicking? Tell me there's some ass kicking!

Queen Industries corporate jet. Lois asks Chloe if she's going to get back together with Oliver.

Chloe is hesitant. "I like him a lot. And he's an amazing man. But..." she stops.

"But what? Look, Chloe he's obviously really into you and I'd have to be blind not to have noticed that you're at least a little in to him too. What's the deal?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

Chloe is silent.

"Is it Clark? He is single now..."

She deflects, "Me and Clark? Now there's a pipe dream."

"Whatever you're holding on to...if you don't let go of it you're going to break Ollie's heart. Don't lead him on if it's not going anywhere."

Chloe looks like she's going to cry.

They get a call from Oliver. He's uploaded maps for them. The three go over the plan. Lois will be thier eyes and ears while Oliver runs interference. Chloe is going to locate the weapon.

Chloe, "I'll need to wear something that will keep me hidden."

Oliver tells her to check the overhead compartment. Lois pulls out the body suit from Fallout, "Looks like Ollie has it covered." Lois grins as Oliver chuckles.

Lex is about to get on the LexCorp jet.

Lana runs up behind him, "Where are you going?" Cue the Eurythmics, "Would I lie to you."

Your episode is supposed to be Secrets. Michael and I are doing Lies.

Tough shit. Come up with your own song about lies. "Last minute business trip."

Lana wants to go with him.

Lex explains he needs Lana there to watch over things while he's gone.

"Mercy can do that."

"I don't trust Mercy like I trust you."

"You're headed down to the search site aren't you?"

"Of course not."

"They've found the weapon, haven't they?"

"Believe me Lana, you'll be the first one to know when they do."

"Lex, I know Dr. Durance found the weapon."

"Have you been spying on me?"

"Lex, you've become obsessed. The weapon was going to be used to for our defense... now it's..."

"Something I can't be trusted with? It that why you ordered Dr. Durance to hide it from me?"

"Lex, I..."

"So you can give it to someone you trust? Someone like Clark?"

"This has nothing to do with Clark! No one even knows where he is."

"You think that's a coincidence, that Clark disappears right as we're on the verge of discovering the weapon? Don't fool yourself Lana. He has everything to do with this!"

"Lex, I thought we were partners."

Lex grimaces, "I did too. But I'm not going to stand aside and watch you hand the weapon over to our greatest enemy just like you did with the stone."

"It didn't..."

"You've betrayed me, Lana."

"It's over, Lex." Lana walks away.

Lex hesitates for a second or two before continuing up the steps.

Mercy is buckled in. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Just do your job and stay out of my personal life."

Smug smile, "Yes sir."

Commercial Break!

That's the big breakup scene? A little anti-climatic, don't you think?

This episode is about Lois, Chloe, and Oliver kicking ass. We don't want to detract from that with a big melodramatic breakup scene.

For once I agree with them. That's not a bad scene.

You were afraid I was going to have Lex beg forgiveness.

Frankly yes.

And I was afraid you were going to have Lana obsess about secrets and lies.

It's not too late.

No!

"Besides, once I have the weapon she'll come crawling back. They all will." He pulls out his phone and dials up security. "Have her followed. I want to know who she talks to and everything she says."

Now there's the smart and competent Lex I've been waiting for!

Shut up, will you? Tom, this is all your fault!

Thanks, Tom.

[Glares at MR]

Chloe and Lois deplane. Oliver waits for them. "We don't have much time. Lex is already en route."

The three crawl into a camouflaged Hummer and Oliver starts it up.

Is it the Arrow-mobile?

Arrow mobile?

Like the batmobile or batplane? Arrow-Mobile.

Don't be stupid. It's just a high tech Hummer.

[to MR] It's the Arrow-Mobile.

Cut to the Hummer hidden in the trees parked about fifty feet from the search site base camp. Oliver turns on a bunch of monitors. "They are transmitting thier surveillance video wirelessly. Some of their hardware is Queen Industry so I was able to decrypt it pretty easily. We're going to have our hands full. Since they found the weapon the place has been crawling with security. Let's suit up."

Lois observes that Lex has placed refined meteor rock stragetically throughout the facility. "I guess we can't count on Kal-El saving our asses."

Chloe and Oliver exchange glances.

Lois, "What? I've read everything Lex has on the guy."

Chloe says she'd like to see that file some day.

Lois tells her not to expect much. "Get this. At one point Lex thought Clark might be Kal-El! Talk about crackpot theories."

INXS "Suicide Blonde" plays in the background as they suit up and during the sting. Oliver takes out LexCorp guards with trick arrows.

Lois directs them from the safety of the Hummer.

And Chloe gets to do a lot of running and jumping and crawling.

And sexy Charlie's Angels type poses.

Not Buffy?

Why not? Insert the femme fatal of your choice.

Oliver takes out a bunch of guards but one finally spots Chloe and a chase ensues.

Lois tries to guide Chloe but the equipment suddenly goes black and Lois finds herself surrounded by guards. She tries to Kung-fu her way out but they subdue her.

Chloe locates the weapon and begins her escape.

Oliver is eventually cornered by a dozen guards. Out of arrows he goes hand to hand. He fights the good fight but is subdued as well.

Chloe is cornered by another dozen guards and uses the weapon to knock them all unconscious.

Cut to Principal Reynolds sitting reading. He stops and closes his eyes. When he opens them again they glow red. He's concerned.

Back to Chloe. She continues to run and exits the facility. She reaches the Hummer and opens the door only to find Lois and Oliver inside tied up and gaged.

She cries out in pain and collapses to the ground. As she falls it's revealed Mercy stands behind her. Mercy holds up her taser as he smiles evilly at Lois and Oliver.

Lex from off screen, "Three for three. Not bad, Mercy. He squats down to retrieve the weapon. "Well, what do we have here?" He nods at the guards and they remove the gags. "Lois, why am I not surprised to learn you're involved in this Quixotic mission? And Oliver Queen. I knew the Omega-Tech debacle would hit you hard in the wallet. I had no idea you'd be reduced to thievery."

Oliver grits his teeth and struggles against his bonds.

Nodding at Lois and Oliver, "Those two don't matter to me. Deal with them as you see fit." He looks down at Chloe. "But I have special plans for her. Put her on the plane."

Mercy, "You heard the man. Move." Mercy notices Lex is agitated. "Is something wrong, boss?"

Lex hesitates, "Keep a look out for Clark Kent. I have a feeling he just might show up yet." Two guards pick up Chloe under the arms and drag her behind Lex. Others pull Lois and Oliver out of the Hummer.

Lois, "You harm one hair on her head and I swear to you, Lex I'll..."

Lex turns and gestures grandly, "You do what?" He grabs a handful of Chloe's hair.

"I'll make sure you regret it!"

Lex chuckles. To the guards, "I've got her." They let her go so that Lex holds Chloe up by her hair. "By the time I'm done with her she'll be lucky if she has any hair on her head." Lex turns and drags Chloe along. "And the only thing I'm going to regret about you is that I didn't have you killed sooner."

"No! Chloe!!!!!" Lois desperately tries to break free, "NO!!!!!"

Mercy, "Shut her up." A guard hits Lois over the head with the butt of his rifle knocking her unconscious.

Oliver glares at Mercy, "You're going to pay for that!"

Mercy smirks, "I doubt it." She nods again and a guard hits Oliver over the head.

Oliver spits out some blood, "Is that the best you've got?"

The guard hits him a second time knocking him unconscious. Mercy, "Take them away."

LexCorp Jet in flight. Chloe comes to, hands bound together in her lap and feet tied to the chair. Lex sits opposite holding the weapon.

She defiantly wipes a trickle of blood from her lip. "What do you plan on doing with me?"

"I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not Chloe but when Prof. Fine first alerted me to the existence of these weapons he claimed they were created with a rather unusual property. Namely it imprints on the first person who touches it and only that person will have the power to use it. We both know what a liar Prof. Fine was but on the off chance he was telling the truth we may have a problem. It seems you had the misfortune of touching the weapon before I did."

Chloe is defiant. "I guess you're screwed if he was right."

Lex chuckles. "This artifact is over a thousand years old. Somehow I doubt you're the only person who's ever touched it. Perhaps it works like the ruby slippers of Wizard of Oz fame, transferable only when the previous owner is dead."

Why am I'm picturing Lex wearing ruby slippers?

Shut up.

Say it Rosenbaum, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!"

So if Chloe is Dorthy who's Toto?

Lois, obviously.

Shut up!

Oliver is Toto. I think Lois is the Scarecrow.

Shut up!

Maybe Clark is the Scarecrow.

Only if Lana is the Tin Man.

Shut up!

Chloe gulps.

"I thought it would be prudent to try it out. Before I use it to kill Kal-El. For your sake I hope Fine was lying. But if he wasn't... no skin of my back."

Fortress, Reynolds arrives, "Our worst fears have come true, Kal-El."

"The weapon. It's been used?"

Reynolds nods, "We must hurry. I fear your friends are in grave danger." Go to black.

Clark gets one line the whole episode? You guys are turning the show into GreenArrowVille!

More like ChloeVille if you ask me.

I don't care what you call it. I like it. Good job, Allison.

Clark should have more than one line!

Hmm. Maybe I should have consulted you before we turned in the script. Just like you consulted me before negotiating the re-write of Fallen.

Allison...

Oh, that's right, you didn't consult me, did you? My bad.

Allison, I'm sorry.

Tom.

Yes, Allison?

I'm sorry too.

So Clark gets more scenes?

No.

Look, it's not my fault Chloe got screwed over!

I said no.

Are you ever going to forgive me?

[pauses] I'll think about it.

[sighs]