Escalation

[AM's trailer. JG lets himself in]

Did you do it?

[irritated] No!

Well why not?

Michael got in the way. What the hell happened to the plan?

Michael?

You were supposed to be distracting him!

I was. I did.

Then how the hell did he just happen to be at Brannon's office when I arrived?

I, uh...

[Folds her arms] Well???

[Contrite] He made me angry.

He made you angry. [She pauses for a second.] [Sarcastic] Well that explains everything! [Scolding] John, we had a plan! Do you remember the plan?

He didn't like my trailer.

Dammit, John, now we're completely screwed over. And just because Michael said he didn't like your trailer?!

[Sheepish] Well, he didn't exactly say he didn't like it.

[Frustration] Oh, my God! I can't believe you!

But I could tell he didn't like it.

Of course he didn't like it. It sucks! [JG turns angry] That's the whole reason I sent you over with it. So the two of you could argue about it.

It does not "suck"!

You don't put "magnificent bastard" in a trailer. It's idiotic!

Michael said it was corny.

Michael was being nice.

[posturing] Nobody disses the magnificent bastard.

[disbelieving] You mean you actually want it like that? I thought you made it bad on purpose.

[deflating a bit] I like it. And I'm going to keep it.

It's the stup.... [She stops and rubs her temples, exasperated] Michael said you hit him. Did you hit him, John? Please tell me you didn't actually hit him.

I didn't... he tried to drug me! What was I supposed to do?

Just refuse to eat the brownie? Did you even stop to consider that? Where would we be if every time a co-worker tried to drug us we hit them?

Do you have any idea how ridiculous that question sounds?

You have to put it in the context of our work situation. They drug you. You drug them back. But resorting to violence? [looks at JG with pity and shakes her head] It's just.... sick.

But my trailer. I worked so hard...

[Cradles his face in her hands and looks into his eyes] You're sick, John. You hear me? You need help. [Lets go of his face.] Sometimes I wonder if Tom's the only grown-up working on this show!

There's Annette.

Annette!?!? The woman who sold her soul so she could sing a duet with Elton John?

People have sold their soul for less.

The sad part is you're right, fellow cast mates in fact. We need to figure out where we go from here. So can we forget your stupid trailer for five minutes?

[Bitter] It's not stupid.

[Takes JG by the shoulders and shakes him] Get your head in the game, man!

I still think if I hold them down while you taser them...

Or maybe you could just smack them around and and question their masculinity all by yourself?

[Hopeful] Really? You think that will work?

[Rolls her eyes] No!

[Irritated] Well what do you suggest?

[Panicked] I don't know. We're about out of options. I'm thinking we might have to resort to the backup plan.

The nuclear option?

You know I hate it when you call it that!

That's basically what it is.

What other choice we have?

The taser...

John!

If we pull the trigger on the nuclear option there's no going back.

[conflicted] I know! I know! [Angry] I can't believe you screwed this up for us!

[incredulous] Me? You couldn't out smart Michael yourself?

Dammit, John, he was already on to us plus he'd already seen the brownies in Brannon's office. There was no getting by him! [contemplative] I'm still not sure why he let Rick and Brannon them eat them, though.

I told you you shouldn't have gotten rid of all the tranquilizer darts!

I made one bad call. So shoot me. [Looking sternly at JG] I mean that figuratively.

Allison, I wouldn't...

Really? I'm not so sure anymore. [Throws her hands in the air] The nuclear option is all we have left!

You do realize we can't pull it off without Kristen on board.

I know. [Bites her lip] It's going to be a tough sell.

That's an understatement.

I may be able to call in a favor or two.

Good luck.

Oh, and John, in the meantime you might want to apologize to Michael.

Apologize? Me? Why?

Brannon gave him a copy of your latest contract.

So?

You still haven't read the fine print, have you?

No. It was a simple business deal.

Whatever you say, Shaggy.

Shaggy?

Read your contract. And then buy a lot of whatever it is men buy each other when they make up. You're going to need it. I'll work on Kristen.

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