A New Beginning

OK guys. I'm glad you finally decided to come back and talk.

But is an armed escort really necessary?

The last time we 'talked' if I had had hair it all would have been burnt off!

We have read your demands.

And?

We've talked to corporate. They're going to let you bring on John and Erica for the full season.

Yea!

That's.... that's not really what I was hoping for.

And a fully equipped workout trailer.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

But we can't meet all the demands.

Why the hell are we here then?

Unfortunately some of your demands are mutually exclusive and we hoped we could iron them out.

Such as?

[Reading] OK, "You must hire Sting for the part of Green Arrow." and "The part of Green Arrow must be played by someone between 20 and 40 years old, preferably by a hunky ex soap opera star."

Micheal!

Just want to see what I can get here. Besides Allison is so crushing on Sting.

I'm sure we can iron that one out ourselves. Maybe you could give us casting authority.

Al?

As long as they stay in budget then I don't care if they hire Sting or go with some wooden soap opera star.

As long as he's pretty.

Of course. Green Arrow should definitely be pretty.

[to AM] Sting is pretty and you know it. He lights a fire in your loins, doesn't he? Admit it!

[blushing] He does not!

Well it's up to you guys now. Next up, "Martha Kent must remain chaste the first year after her husband's death." and "Lionel and Martha have to shag before the season is over."

Annette!

That wasn't me.

John!

The MB shags Martha or I walk. I'm not kidding.

Technically Jonathon died mid season so as long as Martha and Lionel wait until the last fourth of the season both stipulations are covered.

[To AM] Are you working with them now?

[Dropping two pieces of paper to the ground] Great! That solves another problem.

There's more?

Let's see here. "Lex and Lana's relationship should progress slowly and romantically" and then "Lex and Lana should screw like bunnies in every room of the mansion. And then in the fountain out front. And then on the Jet. In then in Lex's office. And then..."

I think we get the picture, Miles.

I don't want Lana to become a sex object.

Too late.

Look, what if it's always a body double?

I don't know.

Surely there's something that would make it acceptable.

How about if Lex wears a skirt the first time they have sex?

What? That's ridiculous.

Lex in a skirt might turn Lana on.

Lex is not going to wear a skirt. My skirt wearing days ended with Sorority Boys.

You wouldn't jump at a remake of Tootsie.

I'm thinking more Mrs. Doubtfire. Tom would be a better Tootsie. I might actually buy men falling in love with him.

Tom is practically seven feet tall. He'd be a freaking Amazon.

Ladies, enough with your transvestite fantasies, please.

Bottom line: what do you guys need to come back?

Full control over scripts.

Eh..

OK. [Aside to AG] Tom won't screw the show over.

What else?

I want residuals from the term Chloevage for perpetuity.

[Turns to MM] Can we even do that?

Warner Brothers doesn't own "Chloevage". If you want to do the fan circuit at series close knock yourself out.

I never, ever, have to wear the suit.

Done!

Miles!

[Aside to AG] Body double, man. We've done it so often with Kristen we're pros by now. A little creative post work and no one will know the difference.

I want Lex to discover a way to re-grow his hair. And grow it out.

There ain't no way he's going to grow it as long as Lionel!

I don't want to. I just want a respectable length.

But he's not Lex Luthor if he's not bald.

It's just hair. Geez. Pete was black. Clark's parents were made a lot younger, ...

You know, at this point I don't give a rat's ass. Grow out your damn hair, Rosenbaum.

Screw you guys. Screw you all. We quit!

What?

That's right, sister. You won't have Miles Millar and Al Gough to kick around anymore. We're headed for greener pastures. [AG & MM walk out]

Well. That went better than could be expected.

No kidding! Hair baby!

What's up with them? Did Aquaman finally get picked up?

I don't know. Maybe they're working on a Green Arrow spin off.

Oh, God.

What?

If that's the case we have to make sure Chloe and Oliver break up and break up permanently.

Fine with me as long as Oliver is Sting.

Michael, I...

You know what? I don't care anymore. Hire some wooden pretty boy instead. I don't care. You know why?

Let me guess.

Because I get to have hair!

Should we really let him do that?

I don't know. I think we should put it up to a vote.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no no. I'll give up anything else. Just let me grow my hair.

Sex with Lana?

Fine.

Decent security?

Fine.

Out witting Lionel?

Fine.

Hmmm. Lex Luthor with hair.

It might be the biggest plot twist Smallville ever produces.

Well. Tom and Kristen, you better get cracking if we're going to stay on schedule.

Allison and I? We're headed for a girls night out!

Dammit, you promised you'd let me come along next time.

You won't embarrass us will you?*

I don't think I'm the one you need to worry about.**

[Winks at KK]Go on. It'll keep.

Really?

Have fun. I need time to convince Michael he's making a big mistake with the hair.

Oh, no I'm not.

Come on everybody, rub his head one last time. [Everyone crowds around MR]

See, this is one of the reason I don't like it!

Now imagine these are all your adoring fans. Women just waiting to touch you soft supple scalp.

Stop it, Tom!

Would you let your fans down?

I said stop it!

Oh, Michael, your bald head is so sexy.

Durance, I'm warning you.

All that could be yours.

Or you could disappoint causing bitterness throughout your entire fandom.

The scorn of Lex Luther fans throughout the ages...

OK! OK! Just leave me alone. I'll keep shaving my damn head.

I knew you'd come through for us sparky. We're off. Ta Ta. [The girls all leave]

[to TW] You know what this concession means, don't you?***

[grins] I think I do.

Bring it old man! [TW and MR run for their trailers]

Well Annette it looks like it's up to the adults to do something cultured.

If you insist. I can't believe those girls forgot it was fight club night. I was really looking forward to opening a can of whoop-ass. *

* Thanks Booberella.
** Thanks to, er, me.
*** Thanks to Wrighty.

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