6.05 Fishbowl
by 
& 
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Original TwoP air date 7.23.2006
Clark’s enrollment at MetU causes a media frenzy full of rumors and speculation when he refuses to join the football team. Martha weighs the pros and cons of resigning her senate seat.
Kent house. Lois and Martha are on the phone with reporters. Clark is at the kitchen table doing the books for the farm. He’s frustrated.
Lois finishes her call and asks Clark how he’s doing. "Not well." She tells him she teases him about the farmer thing but she always thought he’d end up doing something else.
"Like what?"
"Fishing for compliments again? You're lucky to be alive after what you did to Chloe. You can thank your lucky stars I have a policy against throttling the boss’ son."
Clark mumbles something about tuition and keeping the farm running. Martha gets off the phone and listens from across the room. Lois wonders why they don’t just let tenant farmers work the land. Martha’s at the capitol half the time and it’s obvious Clark is miserable. Besides didn’t he have a full ride to MetU?
Clark looks at Lois like she burned the American flag. Martha joins in.
"She’s right, you know."
Curious look at Martha, "Mom, the farm."
"It’s not your responsibility, unless you like being miserable."
Hold on, moving Clark and Martha out of town means the only person left in Smallville is Lex.
Lois still lives in Smallville!
Well, hopefully this will be our last year and by the time anyone realizes nobody lives in Smallville anymore we’ll be out of our contracts and living on residuals.
Hey, Lois still lives in Smallville!
Clark gives Martha a look like she’s taken the weight of the world off his shoulders. He wonders about tuition.
Lois is baffled. Doesn’t Clark want to be a star quarterback? Who in their right mind would turn that down? Martha tells Clark that she’s sure he’ll qualify for financial aid and after that there’s always student loans.
That’s weird, thinking about Superman paying off student loans. "Dear Sirs, I’m sorry I was late with this months payment. I was delayed saving thousands of people from a Tsunami in the South Pacific. Please accept my greatest apologies. Sincerely yours, Superman." They'd probably still stick him with a late fee. That’s gratitude for you.
[To AM] Clark doesn’t think the world owes him anything.
Maybe if he actually did something for the world he'd feel differently.
[ignoring MR] Clark tells Lois that maybe he’s not in his right mind.
Anvil warning. She punches him in the shoulder, "You’d better watch out. You're starting to sound like the kind of guy I'm attracted to." They all three smile.
And Rosenbaum barfs. [barfing noise]
Hello? Lois still lives in Smallville!
Luthor mansion. Lex and the villain of the week. Lex wants to be well positioned for the Senate seat next time around. He’s paying this dirty reporter to keep the Kents in the spotlight. The guy doesn’t need to make anything up, just keep the heat on. After all the Kents have enough issues. It should be like shooting fish in a barrel. The more he can attach Martha to Lionel the better.
You wanted to say fishbowl there but you were too rigid to mix a metaphor, weren’t you?
Stop it.
Admit it!
Yeah.
I don’t blame you. If you shot fish in a fishbowl you’d break the glass. That’d be stupid.
Well you’d probably shoot a hole in a barrel too.
I guess you're right Rosenbaum. Hmmm. You should go with fishbowl, Tom. It’s just as stupid.
I’m not going with fishbowl, end of discussion, end of teaser.
What happened to Lex's literary allusions?
Oh yeah. Make something up and bring it to the shoot.
Sure, make me do all the work!
Kent Barn. Clark is packing up the loft area. "Hello, Clark."
Curtly, "Lex."
"I came here to give you a warning."
"You could have done that over the phone." Clark keeps packing.
"This is important enough to meet face to face."
Slightly annoyed, Clark stops working to give Lex his full attention. "What's this about? Lana? You win. You have your prize. I'm not going to interfere with the two of you."
"No, Clark. This is more important than Lana."
May lightning strike him down.
[to TW] Best line you've ever written for Lex.
[Winks] Now he has Clark's attention.
"I know you gave Kal-El one of the stones."
"Lex."
"Stop the pretence, Clark. I know he put the stones together and that's how Chloe ended up in the middle of the Yukon."
[Clark starts to look a little worried] "This is crazy."
"Crazy? Don't try waving this off, Clark. It won't work this time. Kal-El is the only person who could have taken the second stone from my plane mid-flight. Somehow he got the third one out of my safe and now possesses the greatest wealth of knowledge on Earth. I don't know about you, but I'm worried about what he might do with that. Clark you might think you're helping, but you've betrayed your people."
Clark is silent.
"He's is dangerous, Clark. You don't know what his plans are. Whatever he's telling you he's lying. Has he convinced you he just wants to help mankind? What exactly what has he done to help so far?" Another pause, "The truth is you're helping him seal our doom."
"Like when you helped Prof. Fine?"
"Don't forget he fooled you too. What makes you think Kal-El is any different?"
"What do you want me to do Lex?"
"Don't give Kal-El anymore help."
"If he's as powerful you say he is why would he need my help?"
"I don't know, Clark. I've been trying to figure that one out myself." Lex searches into Clark's eyes. "But I have a feeling if anyone knows the answer to that question it's you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't! As usual deny all knowledge about something you're so obviously neck deep in. Just like always. You could never be, a-hem, straight with me, could you? How long have you been helping him? Was it before we even met? Is he your personal guardian angel? Is that why you think you can trust him?" Getting up in Clark's face. "He might care about you. Hell, he might even care about your friends. That doesn't mean he cares about anyone else."
"Lex. Believe me..."
"I stopped believing you a long time ago, Clark. It's only recently I gave up hope that eventually you would tell me the truth. Think about what I have said. We are old friends. That will always count for something. But I'm going to do everything in my power to stop Kal-El. I don't want you getting caught in the middle." Lex leaves.
No literary allusion?
Make something up...
And bring it to the shoot. Yeah, yeah.
MetU. Clark exits the admin building and bumps into Lana. She wigs out immediately. "Lana!"
Running, "Stay away from me Clark!" A young man approaches. It's the villain of the week! "Seems you leave quite an impression."
"Ex girlfriend."
"Bad breakup?"
"That's an understatement."
"Name's Nick. Say, you're Clark Kent, aren't you?"
"Am I famous?"
"Famous? You turned your high school football team completely around in one season. Have you changed your mind about being a Bulldog?"
"Strictly off the field."
"You're kidding right?"
Clark has found a new love. Journalism.
I love he's telling this to a dirty journalist who's out to get him.
Nick goes for Clark's ego, implying that maybe he's washed up.
That doesn't work.
Finally he asks outright "What's the problem Kent? Afraid you wouldn't pass a drug test?"
Clark doesn't understand what he big deal is. He just doesn't want to play anymore and starts walking away.
Nick shouts that no one would give up being a star unless they had something to hide. "What do you have to hide, Mr. Kent?"
A small crowd forms as Nick yells. They start whispering and watching Clark. Clark continues to walk off, annoyed expression on his face.
Martha’s senate office. She throws a paper on the desk. "Lois, they’re killing me."
It seems like everyone is always throwing papers around on this show. On desks, in trash cans...
Is there a problem with that?
No. Just noticing a trend.
"Not another one." Lois picks up the paper. "What does this Nick Madison guy have against you, anyway?"
"I don’t know, but the vote on my education bill is only days away and support for it is getting softer and softer."
Lionel breezes in. He mentions that most senators never get a bill passed their freshman term.
Martha realizes that but it’s hard to let go. It would help Kansas so much.
Any chance we give away details about the bill?
Are you kidding? Helping Kansas is a matter of opinion. No matter what detail we give it’s bound to piss of a portion of the viewership.
So we’re going to act like real politicians and leave out as many details as possible.
Lois pipes up that Martha’s association with Lionel isn’t helping matters. Lionel agrees and adds that he’s already talked with Martha about it and suggested making a counter offensive.
Martha’s not sure but Lois thinks it’s a great idea.
Go Lois!
Lionel asks Martha again to think it over before leaving. Lois comments "He’s such a snake."
"The good looking ones are the most dangerous."
Lois gives Martha a "did she just say what I think she said?" look.
Martha smiles. Lois adds "At least that snake is on our side."
Clark’s mom is going shoppin’!
Stop it Michael.
Sniffing the melons and squeezing the Charmin!
A said stop it.
Geez, you’d think she was your mom or something.
DP, Chloe and Lois hanging out. For once Lois pokes around the office looking at files instead of playing video games.
She tells Chloe that Clark has enrolled at MetU.
Chloe is unmoved.
"Look, the guy is miserable. I never thought I'd see a grown man so torn up over moving out of a barn. Would it be too much of a burden to forgive him already and give him a little make-up sex."
Chloe tells Lois she might be a little old fashion but she's of the opinion two people should have regular sex before moving on to make-up sex.
Lois is skeptical. "Don't try to tell me you two haven't knocked boots."
"That's a private matter between me and Clark."
"Lana thinks maybe when he got shot it damaged his equipment and that's the real reason he broke up with her."
Chloe tries not to laugh. She's sure Clark's "equipment" is in perfect working order. She's not going to talk anymore about it. Besides, since when have Lois and Lana become such good friends?
"She didn't feel comfortable talking about Clark to Lex or Chloe. When it comes to Clark I'm about the only neutral party around."
Prying a bit Chloe asks, "Has she said anything recently?"
"She's pretty much clammed up about him. Now it's mostly stuff Lex has done to piss her off. Your basic secrets and lies crap. I'm starting to think she's got some sort of hang-up."
"Lana has some trust issues. You'd think she and Clark would get along better."
"Bitter much? What's the guy got to do to please you 'cuz? Implicitly trust you with is deepest darkest secrets? I mean who does that? Don't tell me there aren't things you haven't shared even with me, your closest friend in the whole world."
Chloe turns to her computer and gets lost in thought. She sighs. "I guess you're right."
Lois smiles. Coming up behind Chloe she grabs her by the shoulders, leans in and whispers, "Don't wear those boots out, cousin."
Chloe rolls her eyes and grins at the same time. "Thanks, Dr. Phil."
Can we talk that much about sex on the show?
I don't know. I guess we'll just have to find out.
If we can get by with the Krypto-hag conversation and Lois' comments about Clark Jr. I think this will fly through.
Just to be sure I think Tom and I will try to stick something really raunchy in. That way if the censors do bite this will fly under the radar.
Just in case the censors don't bite please don't let that really raunchy thing be about Lex and Lana.
Nothing raunchy between Lana and Lex? Baby, you're breaking my heart!
Luthor study. Lana walks in, "I ran into Clark today."
Off-screen Lex just comments "Really."
"Did you know he's enrolled at MetU?"
Cut to Lex reading the paper. "I heard." He drops it on the desk so Lana can see.
There you go dropping that damn paper again!
It's the Inquisitor. The headline reads "Senator's son: Drug addict?" in smaller lettering "Former Football Star Refuses Blood Test."
Picking up the paper, "Oh my God. Do you think Clark's really..."
Lex stands up, circles the desk, "How would anyone know? He's always so secretive. But by refusing a blood test he's practically admitting guilt."
"Maybe if..." she trails off.
Lex hugs Lana from behind, nuzzling her neck.
Yoza!
"You're so much better off without him. You know that don't you?"
Lana forces a smile and nods. "I'm worried about him, Lex."
Still hugging Lana Lex turns his attention back to the paper in front of them. "I am too."
Lionel's office. He's on the phone bitching out the Inquisitor's editor.
"Get your goons off the Kents or I swear I'll have your head on a platter!" [pause] "If it was legitimate news the Planet would be reporting it, not you and your crack monkeys!"
His secretary pages him. "Senator Kent is here."
On the phone, "Something has come up. I'll deal with you later!" to the intercom "Send her in."
Martha walks in.
"Martha, it's good to see you... I wish it were under happier circumstances."
"What am I going to do Lionel? I can't put Clark through this."
"Clark can handle himself, Martha. It's you I'm worried about."
"But Clark..."
Lionel stops her. "It's a mother's instinct to protect her children, even to the point of endangering her own life. But your son is a man now. Not only is he perfectly capable of handling this you need to let him do it on his own. Resigning your seat is out of the question."
"But that's what is putting him in the spot light."
"Surely you knew this was a possibility when Johnathon decided to run?"
Martha is silent. She doesn't meet Lionel's gaze.
"Did Johnathon plan on dropping out at the first sign of trouble? We both know he wasn't one to run from a fight. Neither should you."
Is it just me or have you turned the Magnificent Bastard into Johnathon's platitude spouting 3rd cousin?
I must concur. This is humiliating.
Put a sock in it, John. The man has something up his sleeve.
Then for now I'll reserve judgement. But it better be good.
Martha tries not to cry. "We said we would handle it like we always did, as a family."
Lionel is silent for a moment. "What ever assistance you may need I'm more than happy to provide."
"You mentioned going on the offensive."
"Leave that to me."
"I don't want to be involved in anything illegal."
"Not to worry, Martha. I give you my word."
"Thank you, Lionel" she gets up. He escorts her to the door.
"Soon this will all seem like it was just a bad dream." She exits and Lionel returns to his desk.
He unlocks his desk drawer and pulls out the level 33.1 briefing.
MetU dorm. Clark is putting books away. A perky young woman pokes her head in his door. "Knock, knock! Clark Kent?"
"That's me."
"Hi Clark!" she offers her hand, "I'm Lori. The RA asked me to give you the tour."
Is this that Lori Lamars chick?
Who?
Superman's college squeeze.
Superman has another girl friend? Seems he's built himself quite the harim. How come we never hear anything about her?
She's a mermaid.
And he thought Lana was high maintenance.
Superman dated a mermaid?
He didn't know she was a mermaid.
Wouldn't that be kind of hard to hide?
You know what? Forget I said anything.
Tom, is this girl a mermaid?
Just follow along in then script. You'll find out soon enough.
Damn you and your stupid no spoiler policy!
Clark says he already got the tour back when...
"Back when they were wooing you for the football team?"
Smiling, "Yeah."
"Then you need the real tour. Regular students don't get all the perks the jocks do. I bet they didn't even show you the Library."
"No they didn't."
"Figures. Well, you probably ought to know where that is. So do you want the tour or not?"
"Sure."
Martha's office.
Lois mentions that Martha's been awfully quiet recently.
Martha wonders if she's doing the right thing. Johnathon always seemed so sure of himself. He always knew the right thing to do.
Because he was a pompous-assed know it all.
Lois says she knows Martha will do what's right too.
Martha sighs. Johnathon wouldn't approve of working so closely with Lionel.
Maybe he would be right. Maybe Martha needs to set some firm boundaries.
Martha looks at Lois. She appreciates all Lois' help.
What? Lois is all over the map! First she's encouraging the Lionel stuff. Now she's discouraging it? What the hell kind of help is that?
She's just telling Martha what she wants to hear. That's all.
No, up until then Lois didn't know Lionel would be so damaging politically. It's the smart thing to do. They can still be allies but purely behind the scenes.
So Lois is a political genius now?
Well at least she's not jury rigging custom job transmitters up to her laptop.
Chloe hasn't done that once this season!
She'd better get cracking or she's liable to lose her touch!
Can we get on with this or do two need to be in time out? [No response] "Hey, I helped get you in this mess. The least I can do is stick with you when the going gets tough."
MetU Campus. Clark is walking with Lori.
Let me guess. They run into Chloe or Chloe sees them from a distance and it pisses her off. She acts like an irrational 14 year old girl dooming her relationship with Clark for least the next 8 episodes.
Damn, you're bitter. I mean, I thought I was bitter but you put me to shame, sister. [Pushes the refreshment plate towards AM] Here, have a cookie.
[Standing] I'm going to take a knitting break.
You can knit here.
Then I'm going to take a smoke break.
But you don't smoke.
[Yelling] I do now and I'm going to take a fracking smoke break! Is there a problem with that?
[A little scared] Uh, no.
[Grabs a cookie and starts to leave, stops and comes back for one more cookie before exiting. The door slams.]
[Coughs and grabs a cookie] So Allison watches BSG. [Casually takes a bite] Who knew? [Uncomfortable silence. TW clears his throat] Well, I think we all know where that scene is going. Shall we skip to the next one?
Hold on. This affects the rest of the episode!
Oh, Right.
They bump into Chloe. Clark introduces Lori. Her major comes up and Lori comments excitedly that it's the same as Clark's. This causes Chloe to fly off the handle. She's been trying to get Clark more interested in journalism since the day they met and when he finally decides that's going to be his major he tells a complete stranger first?
Clark wanted to tell her but.
But what? Chloe bares her soul and he can't even share something as mundane as his major?
Chloe stomps off. "We used to date."
"Bad breakup?"
After establishing Clark is single Lori invites him to a party.
Damn, it's a good thing Allison took a break. If she were here she'd be handing you two your heads right about now.
[shock] Are you going to bat for Chloe? I thought you'd applaud a bitchy scene like that.
If this ever gets back to Allison everyone at this table is dead but the truth is the last thing this show needs is to revert Chloe back to season 2. Even Lana was more understanding than that last season.
Don't drag Lana into this!
If you read the dialogue it's not as bad as it's been made out to be.
I'm just saying be careful. This could come back and bite you in the butt.
Are you crushing on Allison?*
I like to make her angry. I don't like to hurt her feelings.
You think that scene hurt her feelings?
She's outside eating a cookie, Tom. What do you think?
I think she's just mad.
Look, I'll talk to her about the scene, OK? [to MR] We'll make sure it's not season 2 Chloe.
[to AoT] Not a word about me.
Luthor study.
Lex haggling price with lowlifes from the club a few episodes back. Lana enters and he shoos them off.
Lana is cool. "What was that all about?"
"Price negotiation"
"There's something about them I don't like."
"I'll keep my eye on them. I've got a job for you."
Surprised. "Me?"
"Partners, right? You're in 100%."
Suspicious, "You don't want me to spy on Clark and Chloe do you?"
Studies her for a second. "Lana, I would never put you in that position."
Because she'd completely screw it up.
"What is it?"
"We need to locate the ship, otherwise the weapon is only a defense."
"And if we can destroy the ship..."
"We're halfway to our goal."
"Sounds like a big job."
"If won't be easy. The team I used to track down Fine is still in place. You'll be in charge of them."
"Lex, are you sure about this?"
Yeah, is he sure about this? This the same girl who blabbed everything to Clark just hours after she saw the level 33.1 briefing?
No. She spent the night at Nell's and didn't say a thing about it.
Riiiight, my bad. She confronted Clark about the stone moments after Lex brought it up.
What's you're point?
Lex would be crazy to put Lana in charge of this.
She can't be less qualified than his security.
Point.
Lana can do this.
Oh, yes. I forget she's an instant expert in whatever field she picks up.
"Lana, I've watched you carefully over the years. More carefully than you will ever realize. I recognized your potential from the very beginning." He pauses. "That first business plan you gave me for the Talon sucked. But you know what? It was still better than your typical freshly minted MBA. You were what, and high school sophomore? Most people would have backed your plan at first glance. But I wanted to know what you were made of and had you do it over. Your second plan put most MBAs to shame."
"It's going to take more than a good business plan to find that ship."
"You'll find a way. Just like you found a way to make the Talon thrive alongside the Beanery in a town that by all accounts should barely be able to support one coffee shop."
"The fact you're trusting me with this Lex. It makes me so..."
Puts his finger to her mouth. "Shhh... All this business talk has turned me on!"
"Take me now, Lex!"
Lex takes her right there on his desk.
[Enthused] For real?
"Say it Lex! Say it!"
"You can trust me Lana! You can trust me!"
"Yes, Lex, Yes!"
Wait a second...
Lex brings Lana to an earth shattering climax with Madonna's "Like a Virgin" in the background.
[The whole cast giggles. ED laughs so hard diet coke runs out her nose.]
Tom, you told me you burned that list!
[Barely able to talk] I did. After I faxed it to everyone.
[Turning red] I think I'll join Allison's little smoke break. [just then AM returns]
What's so funny?
They just Punk'd me!
Dammit, I wanted to be here for that!
You were all in on this? [To TW] "Got my back", my ass.
MetU party.
Hold on, do Lex and Lana do it? I mean without the Madonna?
Hell no.
So he kisses her ass like that and doesn't get any booty?
Short answer? Yes.
[Slams his fist on the table] Damn you, Tom! You think Annette and Kristen made Clark look like a jerk? Wait until I get my hands on a script!
There's a ton of revelers on a balcony overlooking a lake.
Clark and Lori walk up. Nick waits outside. "A little young to be boozing it up aren't you, Kent?" Clark gives him a dirty look. Nick flashes his camera. "Hope you're on your best behavior."
Lori asks what that was about.
"He's a tabloid journalist looking for a sleazy story."
"Is there one to find?"
"No. He's just trying to get to my mom through me." They try to make small talk but it's awkward because they have to yell over loud music. Lori suggests they move out on the lawn by the Lake.
It's quieter but Clark seems unnerved by the other couples making out.
He wouldn't want to see a boobie!
Lori takes Clark by the arm and presses up against him. A little more small talk.
Clark is his typical evasive self. He comments there are a lot of people on the balcony.
Cut to Nick. He has his zoom lens ready to go. Talking into a head piece, "Anytime you're ready."
Lori has her hand to her ear. Through Nick's zoom lens we see her grab Clark and begin kissing him. When Clark pulls away she rips her shirt with one hand and grabs his hand and puts it on her breast with the other.
Finally, a villain who knows Clark's real weakness!
She hauls back a smacks him in the face. Nick's camera clicks continually. Lori screams, backing away from Clark. A bunch of people lean over the balcony to see what the commotion is. Shot of the restraining bolts being strained.
Somebody yells "Leave her alone, loser!". Another throws a beer can. A third recognizes him as "That Kent kid". Soon it's an angry crowd throwing things at Clark. Cut to show the restraining bolts being pulled away from the house. Clark has his arms above his head shielding himself from cans and bottles. Finally all the restraining bolts give and the balcony comes loose. The pilings are the only thing holding it up. Everyone screams.
Nick looks up for an instant. The audience sees a frame of a blurred super-speed Clark in the camera display. When he looks back into the view finder Clark is gone.
The balcony has separated about eight feet from the house and hovers over a cement sidewalk and a retaining wall of large boulders. If anyone falls they will be seriously injured or possibly die. Clark zips to the balcony walkout. He looks for a way to get the balcony reattached.
Nick rushes towards balcony while continuing to take photos.
Clark yells for some rope or cord. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Nick and then a sail boat about a 100 yards out on the lake. It's full of passengers watching the chaos.
In super speed mode Clark jumps towards the boat taking part of the floor out as he goes. He lands about halfway to the boat, creating a small crater in the water.
With some rope from the boat Clark runs back, pretends he fell to the ground when the floor gave way, and makes it look like he found the rope underneath the balcony. He throws it up so the balcony can be tied back to the house. As the last person is pulled from the balcony the rope snaps a piece of railing. The pilings break and the balcony falls right for Nick.
Nick freezes. Clark knocks him clear of the falling balcony. "Are you OK?"
"You saved my life!"
"You might try not ruining mine." Clark helps Nick up and hands him his camera.
The falling balcony caused a large wave to hit the nearby boat. With so many people on one side it goes partially underwater tossing several passengers go overboard.
Lori and Clark jump in and pull two people to shore each. Despite his super speed Lori is not far behind Clark.
[gleefully whispers to AM] It is the Lamars chick! Chloe is so out of the picture.
Once they are both on shore Lori turns to Clark, "Nice rescue."
He gives her a look of contempt before walking off.
She caused him to touch boobie. She is now his mortal enemy.
Walking up to Nick, "You get what you needed?"
"Yeah." He hands her a wad of bills.
Hesitating, "Is it true? What you told me about him?"
"What do you care?"
She throws the money back at Nick and walks off.
Generic office. Nick enters and takes out his camera. He tries to pop out his memory card but it's missing. He smiles and shakes his head.
Clark sits moping in his dorm room. A knock at the door.
"Come in."
It's Chloe. "A Single? You didn't tell me you won the lottery! There must be a wait list a mile long for one of these."
Bitter, "I guess it's part and parcel of being a senator's son."
"I wanted to say I'm sorry about how I acted today."
"Don't worry about it."
"Are you OK?"
Focus back on Clark, rubbing Nick's memory card between his thumb and forefinger. "No."
"Look Clark," pauses, "the truth is I'm still pissed at you but I'm here if you need me. You want to talk?"
"Yeah."
Go to black.
Chloe forgives him just like that?
She's still angry.
She's a freaking doormat.
I'm with Allison. Chloe wasn't bitchy enough.
Stay out of this, Michael.
I'm just trying to help.
Well, you're not!
Would you rather it was Lois?
Lois what?
Lois cheering him up.
She doesn't know the secret.
Exactly, that's why it has to be Chloe. Even though she's mad at him she's the one he needs right now.
So are they going to have make up sex?
 | No! |
