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[Writers room. MR & JG are at an impasse]

Look, I know the synopsis doesn’t mention Clark specifically but the fact is at the bare minimum we need to move the Lori relationship forward.

Do I look like I give a damn about Lori?

I don't give a damn about her either, but if we want the season to work.

If we want to season to work we have to think outside the box. We can't keep up the same predictable stuff. Ratings continue to go down. We have to shake things up a little.

Not having Clark in the episode isn't going to increase ratings. Now if we re-introduced the naked...

I've heard enough about your damn robots, Michael. We need to do something Smallville has never done before. No Clark, no freak, and no super-powers. Now let's give it a try. If ratings go up then we know we're onto something.

I just don't think it's a good idea. Besides, it's not something we can do more than once.

If it improves ratings I don't see why not.

Tom would go ballistic!

Keep Tom out of this.

He's going to find out eventually.

I said leave him out of it. [Heavy sigh] Let's take a five minute break to clear the air. When I come back I want to be ready to get started. OK?

[grumpily] OK.

Michael.

OK.

No funny business. [JG Exits]

[TW sits at home enjoying a quiet dinner when the phone rings. He glances at the caller ID]

[Apologetically] It's Michael. [Answers] I'm in the middle of dinner, here.

It's about John. You've got to help me.

You said you could handle him.

Yeah, that's what I thought. The previous episode went OK but he's gone totally out into left field!

He's not still demanding a musical episode is he?

I think you could deal with that. But this...

I thought we already decided there's no way Lionel can hook up with Martha while he's unconscious. A dream sequence maybe I can handle as long at it's Lionel's dream.

No, he's willing to wait on that. It's one of those out of the box ideas of his.

It can't possibly be more out of the box than making us sing Disney tunes.

No, it's not. But I don't think you're going to like it any better.

I told you DC isn't going to let Clark mow down a crowd with an Uzi. Even if he's mind whammied and they're level 33.1 freaks. I already got confirmation on that.

No, he's given up on that one too.

So what's the big deal?

Well since he can't have Clark go Rambo he wants to write you out of the episode entirely.

That's all?

You're not upset?

Of course I'm not upset. I thought it was something we couldn't handle. This? It's no big deal.

Well it's not a big deal to me but I thought you'd have a hissy fit.

Come on, Michael. How could you possibly do an episode of Smallville without Clark?

If there's a way he's going to figure it out.

[Through the background of MR's phone] Who are you on the phone with, boy?!? It better not be who I think it is!

[To JG] No... It's uh, my mom.

You can talk to your mommy later. We've got work to do.

[Back to TW] So you're really OK with this?

I'm not worried, Rosenbaum. An episode without Clark just can't be done. It will be a complete failure and he'll have to start over.

See that's what I'm worried about. It will be a complete failure but he isn't going to start over. We'll be stuck with a load of crap.

Well if I'm not in it I don't see what the problem is. You'll be stuck with a load of crap and I might actually have a chance to relax.

Well a fat lot of help you are!

Call Allison. She's tight with John. Maybe she will help.

Like hell! She'd never let me live it down if I had to call her for help.

I've said we've got work to do! If I find Tom's number on your call history there's going to be hell to pay!

I've got to go. I just don't want to hear any complaining when you see the script.

Like I said, I'm not worried.

Michael!?!?!? Did I hear you talking about a script? [MR's line goes dead. Cut to the writing room. JG stands menacingly close to MR]

Let me see your phone. [He puts his had out]

My phone?

You're not deaf, Rosenbaum. I want your phone.

Um. Why?

I'd like to say hello to your mother. I'm going to press re-dial and tell her what a good son you are.

She.. uh.. has gone to bed.

Give me the damn phone! [MR looks around nervously for an exit. JG moves to tackle him]

You petulant....

I'm not going to let you wake up my mother, dammit!

Grabbing at the phone. Just give me her number then. I'll call her later.

[Throws the phone across the room] Let go of me, old man.

[They both scramble for the phone but MR gets there first. He stomps it with his foot, but it's still intact. MR looks horrified. JG grabs at it again but MR is able to kick it across the room again]

RB: [Sticks his head into the door] Is everything OK in here, fellows?

[Stands and wipes the dust off his jacket] I was just helping Michael find his phone.

[Has retrieved his phone and stands breathing heavily] Got it! [holds the phone up for RB to see then tosses it into a nearby pitcher of water.]

RB: [Looks from one to the other curiously] You two need any help with your episode?

Actually...

[Interrupting] We have it completely under control. Thank, you. [Looks menacingly at MR]

RB: [Again looks from one to the other curiously] OK. Let me know if you need anything. [Exits]

You know, Allison never stooped to calling her "Mommy" when the two of us were writing our episode together.

The way I hear it she didn't have to because she stuffed you with so many pork rinds you could barely move and then feed you tequila until you passed out.

[Embarrassed] Well I've learned my lesson. There's no reason to dwell on the past.

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