Small arms fire

[Cast sits eating lunch. Everyone but JG brought their own.]

You are all sure you don't want anything from the catering cart!?

Hell yes!

You can't trust that stuff, seriously John.

[Bringing two salads to the table] If you ask me you all are a bunch of sissies. Kristen, is there anything I can get you?

I'm fine.

Anything at all?

[Serupticious WTF glance at ED. ED shrugs] I'm good, John, really.

[Between bites] And John, about the food thing? We didn't ask you.

But we'll all be really impressed with your bravery when you end up face first in the dirt.

[chuckles] I seriously doubt that's going to happen.

I don't know, Glover. You might want to watch your back.

[bites into a carrot] Oh really? Why is that?

You remember that interview?

You mean that rude little...

The dumpster is empty.

[Looks over to MR]

[Shrugs]

I'm not scared. [pauses] Pass the pepper!

[Handing the JG the pepper.] I wish I was as confident at you.

[Pats his breast pocket] I've got backup.

Holy, crap! You carry heat? On the set?

[Winks at MR, finishes chewing, and swallows] Chill out, Michael. It's just a prop gun.

[Irritated] Not everybody is going to know that.

That's a good way to get yourself shot.

That reminds me. I have a complaint to voice.

[rolling his eyes] Spare us.

What's the matter, sweetie?

I'm tired that it's always the men carrying guns and the women toting tasers. It's sexist and I've had enough of it!

Sing it sister.

I wholeheartedly agree with Kristen!

[Another WTF look to ED]

And Erica, of course. It is sexist.

Seems we have a budding feminist on our hands.

You're not seriously suggesting Lois carry a gun around are you?

Well, sure. Why not? [TW starts choking on his sandwich. AM pounds him on the back.]

Let's get it down the right pipe there, Sparky.

Riiiight. And maybe Lex ought to hide tasers in secret compartments throughout his mansion.

Is there something wrong with that?

Erica is right. The very fact you guys think it's so ridiculous proves her point. You think a taser is a girly weapon.

That's because it is! Lionel wouldn't be caught dead with a taser. It's undignified.

I thought the good people carried tasers and the bad people carried guns.

Or nothing at all.

Does heat vision count as nothing at all?

[Gives KK an irritated smile and continues to eat.]

[Nudges TW to get his attention and motions towards KK]

Point taken, Kristen.

[Waving a french fry] Well the sheriff was a good woman and she carried a gun.

And look happened to her! Shot in the back by her own man is what!

Woman.

Whatever. There's an unspoken message there, don't you think?

What's that? Don't turn your back on a woman with a gun?

No! Don't you see? It's a conspiracy! We need more good women with guns!

[snickers] Maybe that should be Martha Kent's re-election slogan.

[Smiles]

Don't knock it. That would fly in some parts of the country.

I don't think DC is going to let Lois carry a gun around.

Frankly I think they're so hung up about other stupid stuff like who she can date I doubt they'd even notice.

Fine. We'll let Lois carry around, I don't know. Hey! A little derringer!

[Chuckling] She could hide it in her garter belt.

See, there you go! You've got to give her a girly gun.

Men use derringers all the time.

Girly men. [Gets up and heads for the catering cart]

John's right. I want a 9mm.

Sweet Jesus! Lois Lane should not carry around a 9mm!

Her dad is a general. He gave his niece a grenade for a graduation present for Pete's sake.

She's got a point.

Absolutely!

[Irritated glace at AM] So you think Lois ought to tote a Colt .45?

Oh, a Colt! Now there's a weapon I could get into.

I really don't like the direction this is going.

Anyone for dessert? [silence] Anyone? [More silence] Perfect. All the more for me. [Starts staking up boxes.] Ah, Kristen, if you decide you'd like some [reading from the box on top] Boston Creme Pie just let me know. There's plenty. I'll have it in my trailer.

OK.

John, it doesn't worry you that you're the only one who's eaten anything from that cart?

Pshaw! One isolated incident and you all turn into a bunch of whining ninnies. Ta-Ta [Heads off towards his trailer, dessert boxes stacked up to his chin.] [AM and TW awkwardly get up to follow JG]

Do they seem to be acting weird to you all?

You mean the way they seem to be kissing your ass?

Yeah, It's almost like...

Being treated like Lana in real life?

[flatly] Ha.

So you don't think they like the gun idea after all?

I don't know what's gotten into your head but you're not going to be able to buy off Kristen with Boston Creme Pie!

I had no intention of giving her any. I knew see wouldn't take it from the beginning. I'm just buttering her up.

Couldn't she pick a cause other than allowing Lois to pack heat!

Lighten up, Welling.

Allison, we're talking about turning Lois Lane into Yosemite Sam!

We could turn her into worse. I think it's a great idea.

DC wouldn't allow it. I mean occasional gun use, sure. But carrying one around in her pocketbook? I don't think they're going to go for it. What we need to do is focus on supporting Kristen. With those jerks offering to buy her out of her contract we really have our work cut out for ourselves.

Maybe we should put that out on the table for her too, buying her out.

I want bought out of my contract as well.

The one you just signed without reading or the original one?

[Sarcastic] Ha.

OK, focus! Please. First of all buying Kristen out of her contract might not be compatible with, you know,...

The nuclear option.

We don't have to tell her that.

You're starting to impress me, Welling.

Damn you two! Kristen's not an idiot. She'll know we can't guarantee her a buy out.

[Panicky] We're screwed.

Now hold on cowboy, we just need to convince her to take one for the team.

Not reassuring. I feel like the plan is unraveling before my very eyes.

Leave that part to me. In the meantime it would be enormously helpful if you guys could figure out a way to get Kristen pissed off at Michael.

That really shouldn't be too hard.

I'll see what I can do.

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