The End

[TW, MR, KK, AoT, JG, & ED walk down a hallway together.]

[To ED] And you say they haven't cast the widower for your show yet?

Not yet, and I think you'd be a natural for it.

Would there be something for me Erica?

Eh, you'd have to shave your head.

Then forget it. [They come to a door and enter. Inside AG, MM, SDK, & AM are already seated around the writer's table. AG stands]

Come in, come in! Have a seat everyone.

[Suspiciously indicating AM] What's she doing here?

She's, um, been giving us some creative input. [AM beams]

You mean pimping her version of the epilogue.

Right, the epilogue. I know you're all anxious to find out which version we settled on...

Oh, Allison, you play dirty, don't you?

[winks]

Sweet!

And while we liked all of them...

Yeah, yeah, stop blowing smoke up our ass and just tell us who won.

And before you do, remember that Annette could snap you both like twigs.

Right.

Why is everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room?

I don't see an elephant.

I'm talking about Steven.

So he's gained a little weight, but calling him an elephant? That's just mean. [to SDK as TW rolls his eyes] Don't let Tom get you down, you look great Steve!

They wouldn't have brought Steven in unless they wanted him to write...

or perhaps re-write... Allison!

It's not what you think, Michael.

Then why is your smile so big?

[giddy] Because it's better than you think!

OK. Now I'm scared. What the hell has she convinced you guys to do?

You know, this is completely unfair! My ending was by far the best and everybody knows it!

Your ending?

Our ending.

Your ending was nothing more than a bastardized version of our ending.

Calm down, please. We have good news.

That usually translates to bad news for us.

The show is going to be re-newed after all!

Crap!

[Whispering] Remember, if Lois lives then Lionel dies and you can leave this shitty show.

[standing] Oh, yeah. Miles, just send my last check to the Bahamas, OK?

[standing as well] I'm out of here too.

Now don't hurry off just yet you two.

[gulps]

Now see here! We killed off our characters for a reason!

A good reason!

If you just magically bring them back to life... then the... the.. uh... [fumbles to find the right words]

...the show loses all credibility. [AM & TW try to hide their amusement]

And if we don't have our credibility what do we have?

Another season with Lana.

Shut up, Michael!

What you all did with season six was intriguing. But it was... what's the word I'm looking for?

Lacking.

Yes, lacking, in some areas. So for next year we're going to bring back professional writers.

At least that's one thing less we have to worry about next year.

And we're pleased to say that thanks to Steve and Allison we have come up with some excellent ideas for the next season.

Lord help us! You've got to be freaking kidding me! Allison is your creative consultant now!?!?

So, Steve, would you give them the quick run down of what we have planned for season seven?

Sure. Shall we start with Lana?

But Lana is dead!

Well, not really.

You're going to bring her back to life? That's so lame!

No, no. Just listen. We have the first few minutes of the premier worked out and a basic outline of the rest of the season.

You guys are going to love it.

You might not all love it. But if you don't love it you'll have to live with it so why not just love it?

You let Allison plan out the entire season!?!?

This isn't going to be good.

Actually she was mostly just in on what happens the first episode. And maybe some suggestions I brought in to the other writers.

[Skeptical because AM is still beaming] I see.

So we start out with the camera pointed at the hot sun through Clark's POV. Then we cut to Clark's face as he lays on his back.

Shirtless, right?

I don't know.

Sure, why not?

Great.

As the camera pulls back it's revealed that Clark is in a vast desert.

A desert? I thought he was at the bottom of a river.

With Lana.

Dead Lana.

It's just him alone in the desert.

It must be an hallucination. He's having a vision.

Here comes Papa Kent with some platitudes.

Could be Jor-El.

No, it's real. Clark sits up and shields his face from the sand blowing around him. He calls out "Hello! Is anyone there?!" And suddenly he's attacked by these ghost like creatures.

Think dementors from Harry Potter.

Except not because we don't want to get sued.

Clark's gone to hell.

Close. Allison?

[Enthusiastic smile] So Clark is trying to fend off these things as a mysterious robed figure approaches and chases them off with some magical weapon. Clark is bleeding from the attack even though he's in the direct sunlight so we know something is wrong with this place.

It's a bad dream!

If only. He looks up to see who saved him and says, "Thank you." But the figure just kicks him in the head, knocking him out.

Geez, Allison, that kind of sucks!

Sorry, Tom. It's all for the good of the show.

How is knocking out Superman good for the show?

Can the robed figure be Lex? Can Lex kick him in the head? That would be sweet!

Yeah right.

I wouldn't kick you too hard.

No, Michael, it's not Lex. The figure pulls down her hood revealing a beautiful young woman who says, "Welcome to the Phantom Zone."

Some welcome.

The Phantom Zone? What the hell? How did he get into the phantom zone?

Maybe Jor-El sent his spirit there since Clark's body is dead.

Again? Are we going to have to trade another life for Clark?

I volunteer Lana.

You volunteered last time and look how that turned out. Worst time travel episode ever. I volunteer Lionel!

Lana would be dead if it wasn't for time travel. I hate time travel!

We cut to Metropolis in ruins where we catch up with Lex as Zod.

Lex as Zod? Are you smoking crack? That was last year!

Exactly. We, meaning the professional writers, are going to do the stuff we wanted to for season six but didn't get to because they fired us and, no offense, hired a bunch of hacks as replacements.

Hacks?!?

Face it. You're not professional writers and you never will be. We don't try to act for you. You shouldn't try to write for us. Now balance is restored and the universe is content. Your season will go down in history as nothing more than Clark's own personal version of hell. That's what happens in the phantom zone, you live your own personal hell.

Until someone kicks you in the head.

Now it all makes sense!

It does?

I must be in the phantom zone this very moment!

You need someone to kick you in the head?

We call it the "Dallas" method.

I call it bullshit! So Lana is still alive?

And will be dating...

[Smiles] Marrying...

...and eventually marrying Lex Luthor.

Maybe it's not so bad after all. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions.

The hell she will! She'd never marry Lex!

Now hold on here, Lex is pretty damn sexy. She'd be lucky to get a piece of that.

She'd marry him if she was pregnant.

It's a shot gun wedding?!?!

Aw. The pwoor pwretty pwrinces doesn't get a white wedding. Pwoor thing.

Shut up, Annette.

[Pumps his fist] Lex knocks up the princess! I can get into this!

And he taunts Clark about it every chance he gets.

Sweet!

Oh, Allison, what sort of Faustian bargain have you made?

Bottom line Chloe never betrayed Clark.

So that's what this is all about? You're going to nix our entire season because you didn't like that one thing?

It was a pretty big thing.

But the whole season? Lex finally kicks ass and it all turns out to be nothing but some stupid dream?

Well at least if Lana marries Lex then Clark can make a clean break.

[Evil smile] You think?

No?

Of course not. Clark loves Lana.

But Clark is an honorable guy. Once Lana is married that should be it!

Oh, you don't know your character very well, do you Tom? Clark is going to try to break up their marriage!

Huh? How fucked up is that?

That's really fucked up.

Besides, there's no way DC will let Lana be impregnated by Lex Luthor!

You're right. So he sort of impregnates her...

"Sort of"?!!? How do you "sort of" impregnate someone?

All in good time.

Lex fakes the pregnancy because that's the only way he can get her to marry him.

I never thought you would sink so low, Mack.

At least Lex isn't betraying his best friend.

Lex doesn't have a best friend.

Hmm... Oh well.

What about Lois?

We have exciting plans for Lois. That whole working at LuthorCorp thing? It didn't work for us.

Very un-Loisy.

Very "Nois" to coin a word.

Nois?

We thought it would be better to start her off at an honest to goodness newspaper.

She is a newspaper girl after all.

Well that's not so bad.

[Evil smile] At the Inquisitor.

[confused] But isn't that a...

...tabloid rag?

Yes. But it is a newspaper.

Sort of.

And how is that better than working for Lex?

It's a newspaper. Allison said you'd be happy.

Allison, how could you!

If you'd been around here rather than off auditioning maybe you could have had some input. I had to make certain assumptions.

And when you assume you make an ass out of you and... and in this case just you, Erica.

I can't believe this!

On the bright side she's going to go under cover as a stripper again.

Again!?

And this time there will even be some lesbian undercurrents.

Chlois, baby!

Shut up, Michael. She's going to come on to a female wrestler.

Lois is going to get it on with Clark's mom?

That's just gross.

No. It will be one of Annette's former co-workers.

One with big boobs!

Don't all female wrestlers have big boobs?

I never really understood that. Wouldn't that be a liability in the ring?

Not to mention prone to wardrobe malfunctions. The stories I could tell...

Speaking of wrestlers we're going to completely re-vamp...

No, let Annette finish.

I can finish later. [AG seems disappointed]

We're going to completely re-vamp Green Arrow. [Smiling] He's going to be a handsome soap opera star -- not some decrepit middle aged pop singer...

That sucks.

...or sweaty wrestler.

What do you have against wrestlers?

And he's going to date Lois.

Yes!

[double take] What!?

Oh, yeah. The writers and I changed a few things and added a few details since we last talked, Allison.

What!?!?

In fact they had some really good ideas for Chloe the two of us never even considered.

What!?!?!?

[Chuckles] This is going to be good.

Yeah... don't worry, Chloe is going to have her own love interest too.

Like a random freak who tries to kill her?

Michael!

No. A man who appreciates her and loves her like crazy.

A stalker.

That would be good.

No. She likes him back.

[Disappointed] Figures.

[Smiling] Oh, OK. So who is the love interest?

Jimmy.

Jimmy!? He's fourteen years old!

Chloe is going to go to jail.

No. Don't you remember how Chloe lost her virginity to "Jimmy" back in what? End of season 2?

Chloe had sex with a [counting her her fingers] 6, 5, 4, 3, 2... an nine year old?!?

She is definitely going to jail!

Shut up!

No. You guys forget that all that stuff you wrote is in the trash bin. Jimmy is the same age as Chloe.

So is he cute?

Of course he's cute. He's Jimmy Olsen.

[Shock] Jimmy Olsen? Ew. Chloe lost her virginity to Jimmy Olsen? Ew!

He's not fourteen.

But he's... Jimmy Olsen!

I really don't know how you didn't know it was "Jimmy" Jimmy this whole time, Allison.

Sometimes denial is your best friend. It's certainly been good to me.

Jimmy loves her with all his heart.

You're giving Oliver Queen to Lois and sticking Chloe with freaking Jimmy Olsen!?

You're the best, Steve. I'm going to bake you some cookies.

No offence, Erica, but it's my policy not to eat anything from the cast. But Allison should like this, Chloe gets to meet her mom.

Chloe already met her mom.

Right, but this time her mom is clear headed and they get to talk.

Cool.

Turns out Chloe's mom is a meteor freak.

What!?!?

Sweet.

Yeah! And the cool thing? She can control other meteor freaks!

I a not hearing this. Chloe's mom can't be a meteor freak!

That's a pretty cool power though.

That's what Lex thinks. That's why he captures her.

What!?!?

Sweet.

And why she controls Chloe to bust her out.

Controls Chloe? But that means...

What!?!?!?!?

Chloe is a meteor freak?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Yes. And she knocks out Lex.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Not again!

What's her power? Does she have a really cool power?

Of course it's cool. She uses it to ....

Chloe can't be a meteor freak!

OK. She's "meteor infected", does that make you any happier?

This is terrible!

I thought it was pretty cool.

OK, everyone -- that's it. New scripts should start coming in over the next few weeks. Enjoy your break! [Everyone but AM rises to leave. She sits with her head in her hands. AG, MM, SDK and the cast file out. The cast grumbles as they go.]

And to think I was almost free! I hope it was worth it, Mack!

The freakin' Inquisitor?!? Can you believe it?

Marrying Lex Luthor?

Did you notice they didn't even mention Martha?

I don't care what they do as long as Lionel is still bad.

Clark is going to try to break up a marriage? What the hell are they thinking? What the hell is she thinking? [Everyone exits with MR taking up the rear. He pauses in the door and returns to sit next to AM. He puts his hand on her shoulder.]

Hey. It could be worse.

I don't see how!

[Pause] Me neither.

What have I done, Michael?

You've really screwed the pooch this time, Mack.

What are we going to do?

What happened to the Allison Mack I know? The one who wouldn't put up with this crap and would knock those writers into shape? Bend them to her will?

Michael, ruling with an iron fist has it's limitations.

It does?

My sphere of influence only reaches so far. The writers are in L.A. They're like some rogue colony who know they're too far away from the empire to have to follow the rules.

So what we need is a Deathstar!

Don't be ridiculous, Michael. We don't have the budget to build a Deathstar.

What about....

Face it Michael, we're screwed.

And you screwed us.

OK. Rub it in. I deserve it.

Look, Allison, it's all going to be OK. We'll get through it, together, just like we always do.

We will? How?

With liquor. And we might as well get started. Care to join me?

Yeah, [faint smile] I could probably use a drink.

You still have your stash of Tequila?

But I thought...

Hey, after what you pulled the least you can to if provide the booze.

OK. But you bring the pork rinds.

Deal. Your trailer in twenty minutes?

[Getting up to leave] You sure it's going to be OK?

It's going to be good. Trust me.

OK. See you in twenty.

Not if I see you first. [AM exits. MR hangs back for a second. To himself] This isn't going to be good. This isn't going to be good at all. [MR exits]

The End

Actually, this isn't really the end. Follow the fearless cast as they tackle yet another season. The story continues as a collaborative effort in Castville season seven.