6.07 Mirage

by &

Original TwoP air date 8.2.2006

The first day on the job is hell when Lionel convinces Lois to head LuthorCorp’s PR department. Meanwhile Martha suspects he has ulterior motives and Lana presents Clark with startling news regarding Lex.

Open with shots of an expectant press core in front of an empty podium.

Chloe and Clark are seated at the front. "I don't know why my mom thinks I need to be here. She said she might not even talk."

"Not talk at her own press conference? This could be big news. Is she going to resign?"

"I'd hope she'd tell her son before the rest of Kansas."

"I wonder what's going on."

Backstage Lois and Martha are talking.

Martha: "Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

Lois nods, "Mrs. Kent, working for you has been the greatest experience of my life. This is going to be hard for me but I think Lionel is right."

Martha forces a smile and they hug. "I hope so."

Lois strides out to the podium. The press core quiets down. She's a little nervous. Shot of Lionel standing, watching from the back of the room. "Hello everyone. I know you were hoping for a statement from Senator Kent this morning. Unfortunately you're going to have to settle for a statement from me."

There's a collective moan from the audience. One reporters shouts, "What exactly is the Senator's relationship to Lionel Luthor?"

"Please. I'll be happy to answer all of your questions after a brief statement. Thank you." She turns her attention to her note cards before looking back at the crowd. She inhales deeply, "As Jonathon Kent's campaign manager it was my decision to accept campaign money from Mr. Luthor much to Mr. Kent's displeasure. When he found out about the contributions he committed himself to retuning all the money at great financial cost to himself and his family. Unfortunately..." Lois tears up a bit and wipes her eye. "Sorry. Unfortunately Jonathon Kent never lived to see that day. When Martha Kent was chosen as his replacement and she hired me as her chief of staff it was I who encouraged her to form a political alliance with Mr. Luthor with the intention of using his connections to establish her as a political power in this state. That judgment was flawed and I take full responsibility for whatever connection there has been between the Kent campaign and Apex holding company and well as between Senator Kent and Mr. Luthor. Senator Kent has accepted my resignation effective immediately. I humbly ask the people of Kansas for their continued support of Senator Kent. Thank you."

Cut back to Lionel. He's smiling. We hear Lois asking if there are any questions in the background. "Ms. Lane what are your plans now?..."

DP. Chloe is on the phone. Clark leans against a cabinet behind her. "Hello, Mr. Queen? It's Chloe Sullivan with the Daily Planet." She smiles "Yes, I heard you requested me for your profile!" Pause. She gets eye contact with Clark, smiling profusely, "I'm one of your personal heroes?" pause, she begins writing, "No, tonight is great!" Clark gives Chloe an annoyed look but she doesn't see him. "I'll be here at the Planet at six. Formal attire?" She frowns, looking up at Clark who is even more agitated. "No. That's fine. Sure. Thanks. See you at six!"

Chloe hangs up the phone completely thrilled.

"Clark, I've got to go shopping!"

Oh, that's cold!

"I thought we had plans for tonight."

She gives Clark an "are you serious?" look. "Clark, you don't know who Oliver Queen is, do you?"

Blank look.

"I googled him and it turns out that not only is he the guy who pulled us out of level 33.1, outside of Lex he's the youngest billionaire in the country! He's in town for the National Archery Championships. The Planet wants to profile him and he requested me! I can't very well turn him down."

"A billionaire playboy rescues us from a top secret LuthorCorp building? Doesn't that sound a little suspicious?"

"That is exactly why I want to talk to him!"

Puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, Clark, we can go see a movie anytime. It's not everyday I have a chance to dine at Metropolis' most exclusive restaurant with one of the nation's most eligible billionaires."

"Did you just say 'most eligible'?"

Waves Clark off. "It's not a date. He's meeting a business associate and thought it would add an 'interesting angle' to my article."

"Sounds like a date to me."

Playfully, "I don't think you need to worry about him taking a shine to little old me."

"He did say you were one of his 'personal heroes'."

Chloe beams, "He did, didn't he? I've got to go find a dress for tonight. Want to come?"

See, this is why having a predominately female cast is problematic. Superman should never be asked to help dress shopping.

Get over it. Count yourself lucky we scrapped the chick flick idea. Clark is sulky. "I'll pass. I've got a lot of reading to catch up on."

Young billionaire? WTF?

Oh, that.

[Grins]

Sting places us somewhere between removing his wisdom teeth and rotting in hell.

That's too bad.

[Glares at AM] It seems somebody over-nighted him a copy of 'Ageless.'

Don't look at me.

Tom!?

I'm guessing your twisted rendition of 'Roxanne' didn't help either. [Gleefully holds up his camera phone]

Lex's office. Oliver is sitting. Lex walks in. "You're a little early, Oliver."

"I don't mean to offend Lex, but it seems you have your hands full. Shall we postpone until tonight?"

"Just a little personnel problem."

"You're company has been seeing a lot of bad press lately. I've got to tell you up front it makes me worry about this partnership."

"I assure you there's nothing to worry about."

"I'll take you at your word then. By the way I thought I'd bring a date to dinner. That's not a problem is it?"

"Oliver, you old dog! Is it anyone I know?"

"I believe she's an old friend of yours."

"Now you have me curious."

"It will have to be a surprise. I wouldn't want you calling her up and scaring her away with stories from my past."

"I'll make the arrangements."

"Good. I've left the latest paperwork with your secretary. I believe you had some presentations set up?"

"Go ahead and make yourself comfortable." Lex pages his secretary and tells her to track down Lana. She'll be joining him for dinner tonight. They'll be entertaining an old friend and business associate. "Tell her I think she might actually like this one."

Clark enters the Kent house. Lois is helping Martha pack. "So, Lois is going to work for Lionel now? I never thought I'd see the day!"

Lois answers that hopefully their little stunt will draw some fire off of Martha.

Martha thinks it will. But she thinks Lionel had more in mind when he hired Lois.

Both Clark and Lois are curious.

For starters it's sure to piss Lex off. Lionel can't seem to get enough of that. As an added bonus having Lois at LuthorCorp might partially de-claw Chloe.

"If he wanted to piss Lex off he succeeded. When he found out Lionel had hired me I hear his whole head turned as red as a fire engine. But Chloe? I doubt it's possible to de-claw her."

Martha counters that Lois and Chloe may be the most fiercely loyal people she's ever meet. Lionel is a great observer of human behavior.

Chloe enters with a garment bag and notes the boxes, "Wow, I can't believe you are actually going to go through with this." Noticing everyone is staring. "What, do I have something on my face?"

Lois teases they were just talking about how to de-claw her.

Chloe gives her a curious look then looks suspiciously at Clark "What have you been telling them about me?"

Martha interjects they were thinking of Lionel.

"Oh! Well if he thinks hiring my cousin is going to get me to take it any easier on him he's got another thing coming."

Raised eyebrows all around and a moments uncomfortable silence.

"Great."

"But before we become adversaries, Lois, I need your help. I've got three dresses picked out and I can't figure out which one to wear."

"Sure." To Clark, "Looks like Chloe's moved on to greener pastures."

To Clark, "And you keep you're eyes to yourself!"

Lois gives Chloe a curious look. "You're not going to change in front of him are you?"

No, leave that to Lois.

Giving Clark a sly look. "Of course not. Clark, could we have some privacy in your room?" They head up the stairs. He stares after them.

"Cheer up son, what are the chances of having two girlfriends in a row stolen by a billionaire?"

"That's not funny, Mom."

Martha gives him a hug.

Chloe drives all the way to Smallville to try out dresses with Lois?

You know, let's not get into that.

Why not?

Because if we have to figure out travel from Smallville to Metropolis we'll have to rewrite every single episode.

Maybe we could have that scene in the dorm room.

Martha and Lois are going to be hanging out in Chloe's dorm room?

All the more reason to move everyone out of Smallville.

That's what we're working towards. We'll get Lois out this episode and Lex has a plane so he can zip back and forth relatively easily.

Lex should move too.

What about the castle?

Screw the castle.

I like the castle.

I don't want Lex being the only one left in that hick town!

Somebody needs to make the sacrifice.

So automatically it's Lex? Why not have him hit over the head and shot a couple of times while you're at it.

He's the only one with a plane.

Lionel has a plane.

That bird won't fly.

Sorry, it's got to be Lex.

And people wonder why he turns out evil.

Lionel escorts Lois down the halls of LuthorCorp. "There is one part of this job offer which is non-negotiable Ms. Lane. You must complete your studies at Metropolis University. I don't care how talented you are; I'll not have a college drop out running PR for the company I built from scratch."

So Lois Lane goes back to college because Lionel forces her to?

So much for being a feminist icon.

Maybe Lois wanted to go back but never got around to it.

Because all that muffin peddling was just to demanding.

She needed to find herself.

She should look in the dictionary under "Free loader."

[Gives MR an annoyed look] "Mr. Luthor."

"Call me Lionel, please."

Nervous smile, "Lionel. I was kicked out of Met U. And that was after Lex had already pulled strings to get me back in once. I don't think they're going to turn a blind eye to that."

I think Lionel needs to work on his employee screening process.

"Lois. You don't mind if I call you Lois, do you? When you get to be as old as I am you'll begin to understand that all these lily white institutions trying so hard to project holier than thou images are not as righteous as one might think. They tend to be much more practical and self serving than the general public could possibly imagine."

"I don't want you to..."

"Now stop right there young lady. I promise you I haven't lifted a finger to gain your re-entrance into the halls of academia. Nor will I have to."

As if buying her an election and hiring her for a position she's completely unqualified for isn't enough.

"I think you will find a pragmatic admissions board will recognize the potential benefit of an alumnus who has already directed a successful political campaign against one of the nation's most recognizable and powerful personalities and served as a chief of staff to a state senator. The bottom line is that Lois Lane is going places and they know it. You're a much hotter piece of property than some green horned straight A student with a 1600 SAT score. If the former doesn't burn out halfway through graduate school he'll be stuck in some basement lab the rest of his life taking orders from people like you and me. They're smart enough to recognize that. You will find that doors once shut when your were a high achieving nobody suddenly swing open to someone with a little experience under her belt."

"Met U tuition isn't cheap."

"LuthorCorp's tuition re-imbursement program is more than generous. May I show you your office?"

"An office? It's not a broom closet is it?"

"Oh no. The face of LuthorCorp must have a comfortable place for the press, shareholders, etc."

"Etc?"

Lionel waves her into a mid sized but beautifully appointed office with a view of Metropolis.

Thrilled, "Wow!"

Lex strides in. "What the hell is this?"

Lionel seems proud of himself, "Why this is our new head of public relations. I'd introduce you, but I believe you've already met."

"I told you she can't work here!"

"Now son, I'm confident Ms. Lane will be a valuable asset to our company. At the very least she's certainly an improvement over the hack she's replacing."

Lois smiles nervously. Lex gets up in his father's face, "If you want to do favors for Martha Kent that's you're business. But I'm not going to let your lack to objectivity negatively impact LuthorCorp. I want her out of here now!"

Lois is agitated, "I'm standing right here Lex. Don't act like I'm not in the room."

Lex turns to Lois. "And you can call me Mr. Luthor. I don't care what my father thinks. The only way you're going to be working for me is by slinging coffee!" To Lionel "Once you've escorted her out I want to talk to you in my office." Lex storms off.

Lois looks to Lionel for direction.

"I'll handle Lex. You settle in."

Lois doesn't move. "Didn't I just get fired?"

Leaning in, "Look. You're not Lex's favorite person right now. If it weren't for you he'd be state senator and have a puppet running LuthorCorp. But he doesn't trust anyone so he changed the bylaws and the CEO can't take a piss without board approval."

"So I'm not fired?"

A bright one, that Lois.

Lionel grins from ear to ear and chuckles. "Unless he can show cause Lex can't fire a soul without someone else's sign-off. In your case that would be me, your direct supervisor. So as long as you walk the straight and narrow you'll be fine."

We hear Lex screaming at someone in an adjoining office. "I may need some ear plugs."

"I only ask that you try to get along with him."

"It won't be easy."

"It will be the most difficult part of your job I'm sure. Good day, Lois."

I'm getting tired of Lex being impotent. When's he going to regain full authority as CEO?

Frankly I'm enjoying it. But 'the CEO can't take a piss without board approval'? That's more Tony Soprano than Lionel Luthor.

You're right, bring in your own...

Allusion to the shoot.

Clark at his desk [far corner] in his room. There's a knock.

"Come in."

It's an extremely nervous Lana. "Hello Clark." She stops in the doorway.

Curious, "What are you doing here?" He stares at her necklace.

She touches it, forcing a smile, "Lex fitted it with a new refined meteor rock. He thinks it will help protect me."

"From Kal-El."

"It's also supposed to glow if anything alien is nearby."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Lex still has hope for you, Clark." Pause, "Remember those Cowachi legends? He thinks they're about you."

"He thinks I'm..."

"Ziget."

"The villain?"

Laughs. "Lex calls that a misinterpretation. The superstitious Cowachi people mistake an all powerful dictator for a benevolent god. They worship him to avoid his wrath."

"He accused me of betraying my people. Now he thinks I'm a hero?"

"He hopes you will become one, before it's too late. We've both seen the good in you, Clark."

"Too late for what?"

"Ziget and Numan become mortal enemies but Numan is always able to defeat Ziget."

"They become locked in an eternal struggle."

"An eternal losing struggle for you unless you strike before he's ready."

"Strike Numan?"

"Kal-El."

"Lana..."

"Stop. Kal-El is gathering unbelievable power as I'm sure you know. If Lex is right according to the prophecies you two will become enemies. Start working with us now and we can destroy him. If not..."

"What?"

"You will end up locked in that eternal struggle, momentarily gaining the advantage. But in the end you and everyone you love, all of us, will be on the losing side time and again."

"You believe this?"

"I don't know what to believe, Clark. You know the prophesies better than any of us. If you have been working with Kal-El then hopefully you know what you have to do. All I know is Lex is willing to help. We might even have the help of Prof. Fine. For God's sake, don't let time run out." She turns to leave.

"Lana, you're not mixed up with Fine too, are you?"

She turns back around. Scared, "We're not sure what Fine is up to, only that he wants to stop Kal-El just as much as we do."

"He double crossed Lex once already."

She gulps, on the verge of tears. "I know."

"Lana..."

"What is it Clark?"

"Are you OK? Are you... happy... with Lex?"

She hesitates for second and wipes her eyes. "Take care of yourself, Clark." She leaves.

Enough with the crying! First Lois, now Lana. Chloe can't be far behind.

She better not be.

Lana's crying because she's worried about Lex. You should be happy about that.

She's worried about her own skin and sad that she can't be with Clark. I should be livid.

You don't look livid.

I'm too bitter to be livid. I'm mildly annoyed.

Swanky restaurant. Lex and Lana stand at their table. Micheal will you read Lex's part? Tom for Oliver?

"Oliver, may I present Lana Lang."

"Pleased to meet you. Lex, I believe you know my date," he steps aside revealing, "Chloe Sullivan."

Awkward silence. The three regular cast exchange subdued greetings. As Oliver pulls out Chloe's seat she whispers.

"Why didn't you tell me we were meeting Lex Luthor."

"I thought it would be a pleasant surprise. You are brothers in arms, are you not?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The two of you put Lionel Luthor away."

"That's all we have in common."

"Is it? Then I like you even better." Sitting down and addressing everyone, "So Chloe, it seems you have met Ms. Lang before?"

"We're roommates."

Raised eye brows, "Now there's a coincidence!"

"Speaking of coincidence, how exactly did you come to know Chloe?"

"She's doing a story on me for the Planet. I thought it'd be eye opening to see me in action."

"Careful, Chloe, I think he wants to open more than your eyes."

Angry glare, "Lex!"

"Sure, take her side! Why don't you slip her a few more documents while you're at it."

"Lana was not the source for my story."

"Then who was it?"

"That's confidential."

"How convenient."

Changing the subject, "What happened to Clark?"

"Yes, Chloe, what exactly did happen to Clark?"

"Nothing."

"Aren't the two of you dating?"

"No, at least not anymore."

They aren't dating? He ran her to Italy and they were going to the movies!

They're just friends. Chloe broke up with him, remember? It will take more than dinner and a movie to get them back together.

It's overly confusing.

Allison is right. It's like we're back in season 5 when you never knew whether Clark and Lana were broken up or not.

Have they had make up sex?

No!

Then they aren't back together, are they? Pretty simple I think. Tom, keep reading.

"Well, that's a relief. I thought things were going to get awkward."

"Anyway, this isn't a date. My relationship with Mr. Queen is purely professional."

To Lex, "For the time being anyway." He winks at Chloe. Chloe and Lana exchange uncomfortable looks.

Chloe's dorm room. Brainiac seeps in under the door. He fires up Chloe's computer and while it boots he picks up a framed picture of Chloe and Clark. As he studies it he morphs into Chloe. He puts the picture down and looks into a mirror. Smiling, "Kal-El, I think you've finally met your match."

You think the audience should know which Chloe is real?

I don' think it would be a big mystery.

LuthorCorp. It's dark outside, Lois sits at her computer. As she clicks several different "projects" gets the message "Access denied" each time. She starts mumbling to herself.

"Well, now I know why Chloe spends so much time learning to hack computers." After a few more access denied messages the screen displays "Account Frozen". "Arrgh!" She calls tech support and explains that her account has been locked out.

The guy on the other end says that it looks like she tried to access over a dozen top secret projects and that's why they froze her account out.

"You keep track of all that?"

"We sure do 'mam."

"I should has access to those files! I can't be a spokes person if I don't know what's going on."

"You'll have to take that up with Mr. Luthor."

"Lex or Lionel?"

"Lex, 'mam"

"Dammit!"

"Pardon?"

"Never mind. Can you unlock my account?"

"Consider it done."

"Thank you."

Lois stands up and exits. Lionel meets her at the elevator, "Working late I see."

"Yes."

"I like a good work ethic." The elevator door opens and they get in. A few moments of silence as the elevator descends. The doors open, "Lois."

"Yes Mr. Luth.. er, Lionel?"

"Let me advise you not to go poking around in confidential files from now on. You're here as part of my largesse towards Martha. It would be a pity if the trust she puts in you was misplaced."

"Yes sir."

"I'll see you tomorrow." Lois exits while Lionel remains to go back upstairs. She's freaked out.

Back to the dorm. Pseudo Chloe calls up Clark. "Clark I need you here. I've found something I think you'll want to see."

In Clark's room he answers, "What happened to your dinner plans?"

"I stumbled on something more important, much more important."

The restaurant. Oliver and Lex are tipsy. Lana and Chloe are bored by their stories. "I'm headed for the powder room."

"Me too."

Once out of earshot, "What the hell are you doing?"

"What are you getting at old friend?"

"Bringing her here!"

"She helped sell your old man down the river didn't she? If it weren't for her you'd still be working for him rather than the other way around. That's the best case scenario."

"A lot has happened since then."

An inquisitive look.

"Don't tell me you didn't know she broke the story on level 33.1! You practically mentioned it by name this afternoon."

"Your PR woman maintains that it's purely fiction."

"Should I be thrilled to have a libeler at my table?"

"Those are strong words Lex."

"I'm starting to wonder if this whole dinner was set up to humiliate me. Are you planning to back out of our arrangement?"

"That's more your father's style, isn't it?"

"What are you after then?"

"I simply want to make sure the people I deal with are on the up and up. Ms. Sullivan should provide me with some interesting insights."

"This meeting is over!"

"As you wish."

Stony silence before the women return. Lex stands and grabs Lana by the arm.

"We're leaving."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Lang."

The dorm. Bad Chloe shows Clark a print out of the ship.

"How did you find this? The Kryptonian technology at the fortress couldn't find a thing."

As if Clark could ever figure out how to use it.

"'Gee, thanks Chloe. I can't believe you set up a pattern recognition algorithm to sift through all known satellite imagery.' Clark, this has been running on dozens of computers for weeks."

The sad thing is the old writers would let the real Chloe do that.

And that's why Clark believes her. "Thanks, Chloe."

"We need to destroy that ship. Where's the black crystal?"

"At the fortress."

"Let's get it."

"Let's?"

"I found the ship didn't I? Don't lock me out of this."

"It's going to be dangerous. What if something happens?"

"I'll take my chances."

Hesitant, "OK." Clark bends to scoop Chloe up. She yelps a little like she didn't expect it.

Once she's in his arms he hefts her a couple times with a curious look on his face.

"Chloe have you...?"

"Is something wrong?"

Clark shakes his head, "No."

The restaurant. Real Chloe is pissed, "Take me home."

"Certainly. Is there a problem?"

"You were just using me to piss of Lex!"

"That's not true."

"Is it? And to think I believed all that garbage about being your 'personal hero'."

"That part is true."

"Well, I'm not buying it anymore."

"Seriously, I'd been trying to take down Lionel on and off for years. Imagine my chagrin when a high school kid beat me to it!"

Chloe chuckles. "I'm not a kid anymore."

Looking into her eyes, "I've noticed." Chloe looks away more embarrassed than angry now, "Look, you're right, I brought you because I did want to yank Lex's chain. I'm sorry. Will you still do the article?" Oliver takes her hand. "Can we make a fresh start?"

Chloe slips her hand away but smiles, "I like fresh starts."

"Me too. You know how to reach me. My driver will take you home."

Ice fortress. Evil Chloe fondles the Daddy crystal. "So, Zod is in here?"

Giving her a curious look, "So is Jor-El. Chloe are you OK?"

She quickly puts the crystal down, turns and smiles, "I'm fine."

Presenting the black crystal, "I've got the crystal. Are you ready?"

Chloe looks longingly at it, "Can I... hold it?"

"Why?"

"I want to destroy... the ship myself."

"I don't think that's a good idea. We don't know what will happen."

Chloe kisses Clark. He's hesitant at first but then starts to get into it.

Ew.

Show Chloe putting her hand on the black crystal. She slowly pulls it out of Clark's hand.

Stop her Clark, Stop her! [Everyone turns to stare at AM. AM is embarrassed] Sorry, I got caught up in the moment.

Clark uses his x-ray vision through his eyelids. [Pause] He can do that right? [Everyone shrugs] Well, that's what he does.

Rather than Chloe's skeleton he sees a mass of particles flowing around as she slowly raises the crystal to stab him.

Clark breaks away from the kiss and grabs Chloe by the arm.

She morphs back into Brainiac.

Can he morph while they are kissing?

[askance look at MR]

What?

"You!"

"You caught me, Kal-El! But eventually she will betray you. They all will!"

Those words piss off Clark so much he lets out a primal scream. "Liar!" He bends Brainiac's arm in a completely unnatural way.

Brainiac just smiles, "You'll never be able to destroy us all."

Clark bends Brainiac's arm further until the crystal pierces his skin.

Neat special effects and Brainiac is gone.

Clark looks stressed.

And why not? He just locked lips with Brainiac and liked it!

Lionel and a tech guy in Lois' office.

"I don't want her to so much as instant message grandma without us knowing."

"Yes sir, video and audio surveillance as well?"

Lionel hesitates, "No. That won't be necessary."

"Yes sir."

Chloe's room. Clark enters showing Chloe the printout.

"Where'd you get that?"

"From you." Chloe raises her eye brows. "Fine tricked me into thinking we'd found the ship. Then he tried to kill me."

"And where exactly did I come in?"

"He was pretending to be you."

Horrified, "In retrospect my evening wasn't as bad as I thought."

Relieved, "So dinner didn't go well?"

"Let's just say don't plan on inviting me, Lana, and Lex to a dinner party anytime soon."

Confused look.

"Trust me, you don't want the details."

"What about that billionaire friend of yours?"

Shakes her head, "Like Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde. He saves us one minute and he's a jerk the next."

He's Clark, but with money.

Noticing her dress, "I see you went with the green."

Questioning look.

"I would have thought you'd go with the blue or the red."

Narrows her eyes, "You!"

"I didn't peek, honest! Lois told me about them."

"I wanted to try something different."

"And?"

Pause, "It took some getting used to but I like it."

A man and a woman are seated at a table in a dark office. Shadows obscure their faces. The man holds a contract, "Legally it's rock solid, just as I'd expect from LuthorCorp." Sliding the contract towards the woman, "But even though the Luthors may feel differently even LuthorCorp isn't above the law." He leans back in his chair revealing Senator Stafford. "By Kansas law non-disclosure agreements do not cover illegal activity. As long as everything you put in your little book is directly connected to an illegal activity you are operating completely within the law." He pulls out a business card and pushes it across the table. "This is my contact at one of the most respected publishing houses in the country. They are quite interested in anything you're able to uncover."

Cut to the woman's POV. She picks up the card. It reads "Perry White, Sr. Editor, Non Fiction Division". Cut to the woman's face. It's Lois, "Thank you, Senator." Go to black.

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