Stalemate Postlude

Original TwoP air date 9.2.06 [AM walks along the grounds humming happily to herself.]

Allison, you seem to be in a good mood.

Oh. Hi Michael. I suppose I am.

So you've put the last episode be behind you? I'm glad.

Yeah, I guess I have.

What's that? [points at a stack of papers]

Oh, that. It's the re-write of the last episode.

Re-write? What are you talking about?

Well your script ran over about 20 minutes and some cutting had to be done. Oh, and don't even get me started on the special effects budget.

Cutting?!?! Why didn't I hear about this?

I don't know.

Tom and I are supposed to handle any re-writes!

Hmm. I suppose you were. Too bad you two were out celebrating the success of your glorious 'script'. They needed it done right away and I volunteered.

Can I see it?

Sure. [Hands him the papers] This is the approved copy. By the way Lex's right hand is the one that has the glove on it in previous episodes so you'll be breaking your right hand. But since you, and thus Lex is left handed* your whole plan to beat Clark to a pulp is flawed. You'll have to come up with something else.

Approved? You mean they vetted it and everything already?

Yep. [tapping the script] What you see there is written in stone, buddy.

[Opening the script] What did you re-write?

Unfortunately they didn't let me actually re-write much. It was mostly just cutting.

What did you cut?

I nixed the whole Gotham sub-plot.

What!?!?

Yeah. It's a shame you didn't get clearance to use Batman beforehand isn't it? I guess I won't be wearing fishnets after all.

What about the talk about Lionel and the call to Gabe? How does Clark find out about the angels?

Oh, the call to Gabe is gone. The talk about Lionel is still there but it happens in Gate City. There's no Bruce Wayne or attack of the naked killer Chloe. There's a short little cliffhanger scene were Chloe and Oliver are having a deliciously wonderful time at an intimate outside cafe and Angel-Chloe is just about to attack. But then at the last second Charlie calls her back. I kind of hated this change but Lana is the one who calls Clark from level 33.1 when she can't get a hold of Chloe.

Charlie? But... I mean... when... how could they let you do that? That was my script!

So I called in a few favors.

Was Tom involved with this?

Tom? No. I was hoping to break the news to him myself. You won't spoil the surprise will you? By the way, which one of you ate the worm?

Excuse me?

You guys owe me a bottle of tequila. The one who ate the worm has to buy me a new bottle. [Menacing] And if you ever touch my pork rinds again you're a dead man.

Tom made me eat it in exchange for exploding all the naked robots all at the same time.

How ironic. I like high quality booze. Don't try to stick me with the cheap stuff.

Ironic? The exploding robots are still naked aren't they?

Actually the censor board wasn't swayed by the Famke Janssen argument so no.

That's because it was Rebecca Romijn, dammit!

Oh. [Suddenly making the connection] Oh! Well that explains a lot. Anyway the robots will still be naked when they're first created but not when they blow up.

You did this on purpose!

Even if I did you'd never be able to prove it. [Starts to walk off but stops] Oh, and I changed some of the musical choices. [pats MR on the shoulder] I hope you don't mind. [Points to the script] You can keep that. [AM walks off whistling Meredith Brooks' "Bitch"]

[Flipping through the script.] Meredith Brooks? [More flipping] Sheryl Crow?! [Flips again] Sarah McLachlan!? [More flipping] Shawn Colvin?!? [More flipping] Palua Cole?!?!?! My precious episode! She's cut out it's heart and turned into a fucking Lilith Fair concert! [Falling to his knees] Nooooooooo!

[Walking by] Hey, I thought "Where have all the cowboys gone?" was a good choice for the Lex and Lana kiss.

[Shouting across the lot] Damn you Allison! Damn you straight to hell!

You know, Michael, I'm not really sure which of your characters is actually smarter but I'm pretty sure I know which actor is.

[Throwing the script on the ground] Stuff it, Kristen. [Shouting again at Allison and gesturing wildly with his arms] This isn't over woman! With God as my witness this is not over!

[Walking up to Lana while munching on a bag of pork rinds] I see he heard about Lex crying 'Mommy!' when Angel-Lana breaks his hand. The Mackster strikes again!

[Frantically picking the script back up and opening it] WHAT!?!?

Ha! I had you there for a second, didn't I? [KK and ED high five each other] Here, try one Kristen. They're not half bad. Michael you did know these things aren't kosher, right?

Kosher?! [Standing back up] I tell you what's not kosher. [He waves the script in ED's face] This! It's an abomination tell you! [Holding the script above his head] AN ABOMINATION! [ED & KK give him a pitying look and continue walking together]

So how is "Stealth" coming?

Not to bad. Tom and I don't agree on everything but we're ironing out the details.

I hear if you get him all liquored up he'll roll over like a puppy dog.

That's what Allison said. I don't know. I just seems so wrong. I wouldn't want to take advantage of him.

It could be your last chance to get Lex naked and oiled up.

[Tempted for a second then shakes her head] No. I couldn't.

I guess it's up to me and Allison then.

What are you talking about?

We're it. Allison and I have the only two all female scripts left this season.

You mean to say the second half of the season is going to be dripping in testosterone?

Unfortunately. Five in a row. Plus the finale. Stalemate is just the beginning.

You're kidding.

You can look it up in the schedule yourself.

So what kind of liquor does Tom like?

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